For most of the past two years I have been living 1,100 miles away from my beloved children. The decision to move far away from them did not come easily but I have had to live with it every day since then. I have tried very hard to soothe myself with the fact that they live in my ex-wife’s hometown, a small place with very few job opportunities and where, for more than eight years, I struggled to earn a living and to make friends. I know that my life there was mostly unhappy and unfulfilling but, when my ex-wife and I were together, I at least could comfort myself in knowing that I could enjoy spending time with my kids every day.

When I agreed to move to my ex-wife’s hometown 10 years ago, I did so with an open mind and a sense of adventure. We had just gotten married and were leaving behind a lot of stress and strain. For one thing, we both worked in downtown Washington, DC, and the horror of 9/11 was fresh in our minds. For another, we had just survived a nightmare scenario, in which my whole extended family went to war with us over our wedding plans, which were apparently not in line with their highfalutin standards. The idea of raising our family in a tidy little New England village near the ocean seemed quite seductive at the time. I would find a job, and she would stay home and raise… (More)

When getting a divorce, there are a million things to consider. Add custody to the mix.. and the possibility of having a distance relationship between one of the parents and the child and you have a virtual circus on your hands. Here are some things to remember in your long distance divorce and custody agreement.

Make it what you want

Your divorce agreement and parenting plan can include just about anything that you want it to include as long as either A. both parents agree to include it or B. If the other parent disputes it, the judge says it should be there. The thing to remember is that this agreement, once made will be very difficult – if not impossible to change.

MAKE SURE that you read, re-read and read again every single line before you sign anything. Make sure that you have considered every item as well as possible and that you agree with everything there. Should disagreements arise between yourself and your futuer ex-spouse, try to negotiate by adding or taking away conditions that make it more pleasant for them. Use other items that arent as important to barter with. Always with the frame of mind of coming to a common ground. Should that be impossible to do, consider going to mediation.

Remember what’s important

The child! In the thick of things, it’s easy to get caught up in how horrible the other parent is and how much you dislike them or how hurt you are by… (More)

Any change in family situation is an adjustment to a child. A divorce, while unavoidable most of the time can be a huge change for a child. When one of the parents suddenly isn’t there, it take a lot of sensitivity to help the child understand and learn how to reason thru what’s going on around them.

Even further, in the ideal situation, a child will get to spend time with both parents in their homes.. which is MORE adjustment for the child. At the end of it, it’s no wonder why the poor child is confused!

Being an adult, who as a child, went thru divorce and was shuttled from school to school myself, I am constantly thinking of how to maximize my son’s comfort and to help ease the transitions for him.

Changing Schools

When my son comes to stay with mommy, he is in one school and when he goes back to daddy’s he is in another school. The first time he came to stay with me, I took a day off of work his first day of school. He and I went to his school and met his teacher, walked around the playground and sat and observed his new classroom for a little while. When he was ready, we went home and spent the rest of the day together. Occasionally, he would ask about his new school and we would talk about it. The next day, he was ready to face it on his own.

Coming

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