Last Updated on March 14, 2026 by Distance Parent
Blocking a long-distance parent’s phone or video contact with their children is not just a co-parenting problem. In most cases, it violates a court order. Here is what to do about it.
For long-distance parents, regular communication is not a luxury. It is an essential part of the parent-child relationship, and when a co-parent consistently interferes with that contact, you have options. This article walks through how to determine whether communication is being blocked, how to document it, and what steps to take to resolve it without going to court, unless filing a motion is necessary.
Nothing in this article constitutes legal advice. For guidance specific to your situation, consult a qualified family law attorney.
“My ex continues to make excuses as to why she does not answer her phone, which is my only contact with my kids. She is in one state and I am in another. My question is…is there anyway to make my ex legally responsible to answer her phone when I call? “
Is the Custodial Parent Actually Blocking Communication?
The answer is not always straightforward. No parent is legally required to be available to the other parent at all times. The parent who has physical custody of the children at any given time must generally allow reasonable contact with the other parent, but what constitutes blocking communication versus what constitutes normal life getting in the way requires careful assessment.
A useful starting point is to look at the situation through the lens of a judge. Courts look for patterns, reasonableness, and evidence, not isolated incidents.
Is there a pattern?
One or two missed calls out of fifteen in a month is unlikely to constitute a pattern. A co-parent who consistently takes only one call a week when your court order allows for daily contact, and does so repeatedly over months, is a different matter. Look at the overall picture over time rather than reacting to individual incidents.
What counts as reasonable contact?
Reasonable contact is subjective and is frequently a point of disagreement between co-parents. Your court order may specify the number of calls allowed or it may use the word “reasonable” without defining it further. If your co-parenting relationship is cooperative, a loose definition may work. If it is not, the word “reasonable” can become the basis for significant conflict, and entire court cases have been fought over its meaning.
When assessing whether your contact attempts are reasonable, consider the following:
Are the times you are calling reasonable, given the other parent’s time zone and their household schedule? A call in the middle of the night is unlikely to be considered reasonable by a court.
Are you calling an appropriate number of times? Multiple calls per day, barring an emergency, can cross into territory a court would consider unreasonable.
Are you calling for the children or for your co-parent? Your co-parent has no legal obligation to speak with you and may not want to. If calls intended for the children are being used as an opportunity to engage your co-parent in conversation they do not want to have, that complicates the picture significantly.
How to Determine if Communication Is Being Blocked
Before taking any action, work through these questions honestly:
What does your court order say about phone and video contact? Is your co-parent allowing the total amount of contact specified?
Is there a history of domestic violence between you and your co-parent that could be a factor in their refusal to answer?
Is there a current issue related to the children’s well-being that might be affecting the situation?
Is there a pattern of missed contact, or is this a recent and isolated development?
Viewing the situation as a judge would, without the emotional context you carry, is one of the most useful exercises you can do before deciding on a course of action.
Step One: Document Everything
Regardless of what you decide to do next, begin documenting every contact and attempted contact with your children immediately. This is the single most important thing you can do.
Keep a log that records the date, time, and method of every call or video attempt. A simple spreadsheet works well for this.
Did you speak with your children, and if so, for how long? Did your co-parent fail to answer? Did they answer but not put the children on? What reason, if any, was given?
Once you have a few months of logs, review them for patterns. Look at the times you are calling, the frequency, and whether the contact you are receiving aligns with your court order. Look for recurring reasons your co-parent gives for missed calls. The data you gather here will be the foundation of everything that follows.
Step Two: Try to Resolve It Without Court
Going to court is expensive, time-consuming, and hard on everyone, including the children. Before taking that step, use your documentation to determine whether any adjustments could resolve the issue.
Are there legitimate arguments about the timing or frequency of your calls? Adjusting when or how often you call may resolve the issue without further conflict.
Is your co-parent resistant to speaking with you directly? Consider proposing a structured communication arrangement: a scheduled monthly call to discuss logistics, with direct child contact handled separately. Giving your child their own device to receive calls directly is another option worth exploring when the child’s age makes it appropriate.
If communication between you and your co-parent has broken down significantly, a parenting coordinator or mediator can sometimes help re-establish workable ground rules without court involvement.
Step Three: Build Your Case for Court
If attempts to resolve the situation without court have failed, it is time to build a formal case.
Start by backing up your call log with your phone records. Your cell phone bill may include a record of every call you make and receive. If not, contact your carrier directly; they can provide detailed records. Cross-reference your bill with your log, matching each line item so the documentation is clear and connected.
Be cautious about recording phone calls. Laws on recording conversations without consent vary significantly by state. In some states, recordings made without the other party’s consent are admissible in court. In others, it is illegal. Check your state’s specific laws” before recording anything.
Gather evidence until the pattern is clear to someone with no prior knowledge of your situation. That is the standard a judge will apply.
Step Four: File a Motion in Court
Once your evidence is in order, file a motion in the state court that has jurisdiction over your custody case. Every state handles this differently. Contact the family court in the relevant jurisdiction directly to find out the specific process.
Once filed, both parties will be given a hearing date. If you do not have an attorney, check with the court to see whether you can attend by phone or video rather than travel in person. If you have an attorney, they can typically appear on your behalf.
At the hearing, the judge will hear both sides and make a decision based on the evidence presented. Being right is not enough; making your case clearly and evidentially is what matters. If your co-parent does not comply with the judge’s decision, you can return to court to report the violation. Continue documenting everything, even after a judgment is in place.
Defining reasonable communication in your court order
If the conflict has centered on what constitutes reasonable contact, use this court appearance as an opportunity to get specific language written into your parenting plan. Specify the days, times, and frequency of contact rather than leaving it to interpretation. Vague language is the source of most ongoing co-parenting communication conflicts.
Frequently Asked Questions
A judge will not typically order a co-parent to answer the phone, but a judge will enforce reasonable access to your children. The key is building a clear, documented case that demonstrates a pattern of blocked contact. Your co-parent will have their own account of events, which is why documentation and phone records are essential.
For phone contact specifically, the police are unlikely to intervene and will typically refer you to the family court. Police involvement is more relevant in situations involving physical child exchanges. Blocked phone contact is addressed through court orders and contempt proceedings when those orders are violated.
All of the same principles apply. Blocking a parent’s access to the children is problematic regardless of which parent holds primary physical custody. If the issue is your co-parent refusing to communicate with you directly rather than blocking the children’s access to you, there is very little legal recourse, but there are communication strategies worth exploring.
On social media, generally yes. By phone, it depends on your specific circumstances. If your children do not have their own device and your co-parent has no other way to reach you or the children in an emergency, blocking them could be considered a violation of your court order. If you have circumstances that make blocking necessary, consult a family law attorney before doing so.
There is no universal standard. Your court order should specify the frequency of contact where possible. Vague language like “reasonable contact” creates room for conflict. When crafting or modifying a parenting plan, be as specific as possible about contact frequency and timing.
The difference is pattern and intent. Occasional missed calls are normal. A consistent, repeated pattern of unavailability that results in significantly less contact than your court order allows, particularly when a reasonable explanation is not evident, is what courts consider when assessing whether communication is being blocked.
Nothing in this article constitutes legal advice. For guidance specific to your situation, consult a qualified family law attorney.
So what happens when the only form of communication is via phone but their father keeps bashing me (our kids Mother) every time he calls!? he tells me to die, says vulgar things to me through the kids. I keep documenting the phone calls and i’ve asked him to stop several times via email so its documented but he keeps doing it. I want to block him and not answer his calls anymore. Is that legal? Our kids are 17months and 2-1/2. It’s crazy. He thinks im not giving the kids the phone. They’re too young to talk on the phone but they understand it’s their father on the phone. I never say a bad word about him to them. They’ll figure it out on their own. What are MY rights to protect myself and the kids?
What you are describing is inappropriate behavior for either the custodial or non custodial parent.  I’m not an attorney and I can’t give you legal advice. That said, in order to do anything, you first have to have proof that it’s happening.  Document it, collect proof.  Then either follow up by pursuing custody or visitation changes through your custody case, or if there is an imminent threat, with your local police department. Â
I wouldn’t advise blocking his calls unless you’ve gone to court to ask the judge if that is ok. Â The post you are responding to is about exactly that situation. Â Blocking the non custodial parent’s access to the kids is not legal unless a judge has said it’s ok – nor is it necessarily good for the kids. Â
Hello I’m a 27 year old father of a 6 year old little boy. I live in Brooklyn NY he lives in Daytona FL his mother is court ordered to have him call me at least once every other day. I’m a phlebotomist and my hours vary. If I do not answer or can not talk she reblocks me for another 2 days. I’m included in nothing that goes on my sons life she informs me of nothing and actually told the judge she goes through every loop possible and asks for every favor possible to not include me and has said she wishes I wasn’t Jaidens dad. I’m on here trying to find out what I have to legally do in order for her not to be allowed to keep me blocked. I bought my son his own iPhone 6s but his mother also will not allow him to have it at her house. I’m out of ideas.
Im having the same issue…my twins are just 20months amd its already hectic as a single mother so i dont have time for video calls
Hi, I bought an iPad for my 8 yr old daughter who lives in another state. The iPad has data usage so I do not have to depend on her mother to have wifi. Last summer when she came to visit me I allowed them access to the iPad as well. I pay for the iPad monthly and have not asked them to help pay. This summer I have debated on blocking the family in the other state due to the mother not making sure the iPad is charged or helping me contact my child when the iPad is off. The mother has stated the iPad is not her responsibility. I have told my daughter she can call or FaceTime her family anytime from my phone just not the iPad. Will this look bad on me in court? I want to do the right thing. I have told her mother she can call anytime as well on my phone and FaceTime.
Hey, similar situation. My son is 500 miles away. I work and go to school full time so weekend visits are just not possible. I get him for holidays and 42 days in the summer. Bought him an iPad a few years ago and his mother strictly limits it to the 3 hours a week that she is legally required to make him available for. He is 8. How I have handled this situation is by telling him that he can talk to his mother whenever he wants when he is with me. Because she is his mom. And it isn’t setting a good example for how life would be like with me. It isn’t right to keep a child from the other parent. It isn’t good for the kid. My issue is that he sneak face times me after his bedtime and I am completely conflicted because his mother isn’t a warm or loving person and I don’t want him to feel unloved. But I also don’t want him to feel like if he had to choose he would pick his mother because at least he knows he can sneak contact with me. Why I say this is because his mother is not attentive. I had him the past 7 weeks and his mother talked to him twice. So I feel she is setting it up in his mind that if he lives with me than he will never see her again. I’m sorry if this veered off topic a little but I was hoping sharing this with someone with a similar issue would possibly help.
Same situation, when she is with me for 7 weeks in the summer her mother never calls. My daughter and I facetimed all the time, she enjoyed doing her homework with me over the iPad. I surprised my daughter with a Disney trip and when we returned she wouldn’t contact me at all on iPad. My 8 year old then gave me the iPad back and told me it stresses her out. I’m so thrown back my this, not sure what she is being told. It hurts, I would never be vindictive even though it is hard not to.
Hi Robbie , Your lucky at least you get facetime with your daughter I don’t even get that. I get told that they don’t have a phone and internet . The stepmom is really nasty to me and my daughter’s the things that she sends me on FB messenger are just unbelievable I could never talk to someone the way she talks to me and my children .I’m wondering if I can use any of that against my ex when I file the motion to petition the court for remodification ? I need to see my girls and they need me I have no idea how to fill out all these forms b I know that I need to see them .Have any suggestions?
How’s it going? I’m here in 2023 just going thru different situations, new to divorce and co-parenting. I see that most posts here went unanswered. I was touched by your post and wondering how things are now that your child should be a teen now.
My exhusband has primary custody of our 7 year old daughter. In our agreement, it says that I am allowed to call every night at 7:30 with no specification on how I am to contact her. I call and he doesn’t answer. I call multiple times a night and get nothing. I trying calling his wife and get told not to contact her. And they won’t give me thier house number. I am lucky to talk to her once a week. Then when she asks to call me, she is told if I wanted to talk to her I would call or that it’s not thier job to call me, it’s my job to call her. I’m at my wits end!
You can file a motion for Contempt! If it’s stated in the agreement and he doesn’t abide. He will get in trouble.
Hi Rebekah ,I know exactly how you feel my ex has our two teenage daughters and they live in Fla we have what Fla calls shared parental responsibility anyway they live with him the divorce States that I am to have telephonic communic ation with my girls t all times well he refuses to do that he got remarried and his current wife now thinks she has control over when I can see and talk talk to my girls .She has threatened me by telling me to give up my rights because I don’t pay my court ordered child support and that my girls hate me and want nothing t do with me. She tells me that she is on all paperwork that pertains to the girls which I believe is illegal because the divorce says that my ex and I are to make all major decisionsthe girls ie medical,school,ect. They refuse to let me see or talk to them they threaten them if they try to talk to me my girls self harm themselves because of the environment they are in .I got a legal aid Atty she is useless she tells me t”hat I have to prove that it’s in the best interest of the girls that I get to see them and modify visitation and time sharing. If you have any ideas I would love to hear them I miss my girls very much I love them more than anything and I feel like failed them as a Mom There birthdays are next week and I can’t even be with them.My heart breaks I wake up crying because of the dreams I have about them. Im hoping maybe we can help each other I can relate completely to what you are going through and I am here if you want to talk. Laura
I am dealing with the exact situation. We even live in TJE same state and I haven’t spoke with my babies in months and months. Pool Cal and am told that these re at grandmas and when I call her she say they are with their dad. It’s Mt daughters 13th birthday TODAY and I called and texted and was told to ask child support of I wanted to see or talk with them. I’m a wreck and dreaming them every night. Thwybare made to feel as if they are bad for bringing me up or missing me and only get positive attention of they act like they hate me. I’ve done nothing wrong GB others then not pay child support and I missed court. hes hateful and ignorant and I send money via money order to his moms and never get a responce. I hope that Thinhs have gotten better for u. Plz help me im a mess and wud do anything
what about when both parents share 50-50% custody but one parent has blocked all calls from the father and his side of the family? is this legal?
Hi…
I have a question…
I live in NJ and my daughters father lives in Florida… He hasn’t seen our daughter in 10 years and is only paying half of the amount monthly for child support…
We have no Communication at all…
Does he have to supply me with his phone number???
Thanks
Here is another twist on custodial phone call issues. My wife obtained a restraining order on me and I get 4 calls a week. The kids are 10 and 12, so usually I look forward to this.
About a month ago the ex starts answering nearly every time. She had not been for the first three months. I just simply ask for my kids by name. I don’t know what the motive is. My lawyer didn’t say much other than to approve of my handling it.
Anyone else have thoughts on this?
I could really use some advice. I’m not very good with dealing with this sort of thing, and I have a complicated situation. I have been an absentee noncustodial parent. We were not married, and it didn’t go well. We split up due to financial problems, and I couldnt provide for even myself and I knew I couldn’t be there for her or my daughter. I’ve had a patchy work history, and stability is difficult to achieve, but I am something like stable now. I live in Florida, my daughter and her mother live in Mississippi, and the child support order was served in Alabama. She claims she did not ask for it but the state persued it to continue Medicaid benefits. During this time it has been very difficult to even get a phone call to talk to my daughter, I haven’t always had a place to stay, but when i was able to call, I have had very little success in actually talking to my child. Most the time she simply ignores my messages and request to speak with her, or my daughter, and her family has been very unpleasant to her when she does which causes her stress, and makes her that much less likely to even accept my calls. At this point I have a decent phone, and she has a computer, and we could easily use FaceTime, but she won’t even let me see her. The last time I was able to successfully talk to my daughter or her mother was February. Large gaps of unanswered texts or message is what I’m used to at this point, so it’s normalized and discouraging. Recently when I have called or texted it seemed like someone else had her number, and I have tried to communicate with her through other messaging services but she either ignores me, or has blocked me, preventing me from knowing about even the most basic things as the wellbeing of my child. I really don’t want to make any legal action, I can’t really afford it, I can’t travel to another state because I don’t have a car, I don’t even know what state I would need to start trying to do this in, or anything like prices on making the motion, or what an attorney might cost. I know I haven’t been there, but I want to change that, at least be able to talk to my daughter regularly, even just one agreed upon scheduled day and time a week or everyother just to start trying to be there, but it seems non custodial parents don’t really have any rights without actively paying to have the court grant them even the most simple thing as a line of communication to know that their child is happy and healthy. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated, even just somewhere to start. Thankyou for your time.
Hi, I’m currently in a situation right now with my ex. We have been separated since November of 2020. We have a custody agreement in place that was established when our daughter was 4 months old she is now almost six. We have never followed this custody agreement reason being is because a week after it was filed we had moved back in together and reconciled and remain together for six long years. Even after separating for good back in November of 2020 we did not follow this custody agreement because we were able to co-parent and make arrangements with each other on a daily basis with not an ounce of any issues. Up until about 3 weeks ago when it was announced that he now has a new girlfriend since that very day he has blocked my number from calling and this new girlfriend says that he is requested all form of communication and co-parenting go through her and his parents we are not allowed to talk. Anytime that our daughter is not with me I am forced to go through hoops trying to get in contact with her. I made to call this new girlfriend’s number or text or I have to go through his parents which are very hard to get a hold of a lot of times. I was just wondering if this is legal to do and if he is legally allowed to block me just because he doesn’t want to communicate with me and he would rather it go through somebody else? Any tips or info would be greatly appreciated
What if the ex works for the county we live in as a county treasurer and is close friends with the judge that handled our child custody agreement, also close friends with every other county clerk’s and sheriff’s dept? Since day one she’s made every effort to keep them from me going as far as lying to the judge multiple times just get emergency ex parté orders in put in place one after the other expires? I’ve had one of my lawyers even tell me that it’s difficult because the judge is known to bend over backwards for his “work family”. It’s been 5 years and I’ve basically thrown my hand up because there’s no progress gained with a spiteful difficult ex, her ties with the county judge, and lawyer fees.