Letter to the School for Long Distance Parents

The start of the school year is upon us! Aside from organizing yourself for the school year, one big part of keeping up with your child’s schooling is to write the yearly letter to the school. This letter will reiterate your rights and formalize your requests.

Did you know that it is federal law (FERPA) that the school HAS to release information about the student to both parents? Both parents are entitled to report cards, progress reports, field trip information, parent teacher conferences etc.

However, many schools have never had a child with a long distance parent. School administrative staff may assume that a parent at a distance means an uninvolved parent. Many school staff are not fully aware of the practical implications of FERPA with a long distance parent. No school knows what you want until you tell them. Enter, the letter.

Why send a letter to the school?

Primarily, you send a letter to the school in order to ensure your rights and requests are respected. Thought they should be, not everyone is familiar with FERPA. Further, not everyone familiar with FERPA will understand or be empathetic to your situation. It’s also possible your co-parent has muddied the waters with the school.

Here is an example school policy from the Salt Lake City school district. It’s very typical of school district policy. In it, it says :

The district presumes that both parents share legal custody and share the right to make educational decisions regarding their student. However, when a dispute arises, the parent who enrolled the student is considered by the district to have physical and legal custody of the student until a signed legal document describing the custodial arrangement is provided to the school/district.

What this means to a long distance parent is that if there is any doubt of custody, the school will treat your co-parent as the parent. You will have no rights until you provide evidence. While in most cases, this wouldn’t be an issue, in contentious co-parenting situations, you could be blocked from access simply by your co-parent telling the school you don’t have rights.

The letter strategy I provide here stops problems before they start. It pre-arms the school with exactly what they need to follow the law. The letter template I share below outlines exactly what you are requesting. Someone unfamiliar with FERPA or your situation needs only to respect what’s in the letter.

Finally, generally, only requests sent in writing are verifiable and recordable. If you call and speak with someone, you cannot be assured that information will wind up in your child’s records. You also have no way of knowing your child’s teacher gets the information.

Why send a letter to the school every year?

Very simply, it must be repeated annually because staffing changes at the school and not everyone remembers. If you send it once in Kindergarten, by 1st grade, your child has other more visible records in the system. Your letter in kindergarten is buried by 5th grade. Additionally, your child will have a new teacher every year who probably didn’t see the letter. Your child will also most likely go to a new school in middle school and high school as well.

This has improved as schools have become computerized and this information is fielded. However, the data they have is only as good as their understanding of the situation.

At the beginning of the school year, you should send a new letter to the school. Introduce yourself, give them any updated contact information, updated requests – and all in writing. In the olden days, this had to be a paper letter. You can get away with an email now, in many cases.

What should be in your letter

Your specific circumstances might differ but at a minimum, ensure the following is included in your letter :

  • Outline your situation in the first paragraph so that they know why you are writing the letter
  • Specifically request the type of involvement you want to spell it out for schools that might not have experience with this sort of request.
  • Along with your letter, include several SASEs if they will be mailing you records and letters.
  • Include the first page of your most up to date custody agreement. This page generally includes the date of the order, who has what custody, case number etc. If your court order does not contain such a summary, include the pages that do contain this information.

Although there aren’t a ton of great examples out there, I did find this request for records letter, which is another example. However, the below letter template is specific to long distance parents.

You can (and should) send this via mail in a trackable way that shows it was delivered. However, you can also send this as an email. If you email it, make sure you have the email address for the principal or vice principal and cc them, if you are emailing administrative staff. Replace the place holders with your information and adjust the wording to your situation and there you have it! An email or letter to the school.

Template Letter to the School

September 3, 2004
School Name
789 Main Ave.
Somewhere, AB 12345

To Whom It May Concern:

My son/daughter, [child’s name] attends [grade level]  at [school name] . His/her mother/father, [custodial parent’s name ] and I are divorced and share unrestricted joint custody. [child’s name]  lives with his mother/father there in [child’s town/city] and I live in [your city and state]. I remain, very much, an active part of [child’s name]’s every day life and school life.

Please ensure that I am listed as his mother/father on all school records. My contact information is as follows :
789 Main Ave.
Somewhere, AB 12345
Cell : 555-1212
Home : 555-1212
Email : me@somewhere.com

I would like to be copied on report cards, progress reports and any correspondence sent to [child’s name] father/mother regarding my child’s progress, behavior or other teacher or administrative comments or concerns. You will find 10 SASEs included, and I am happy to provide more as needed and/or pay for copies.

I would also like access to the online parent portal to my child’s records.

Please also include me in all parent teacher conferences via conference call. I am happy to call the school at appointed conference times to absorb long distance charges.

Please, don’t hesitate to call me regarding [child’s name], no matter the time. The best number to reach me at is my cell phone number.

With a non-emergency situation where [child’s name] may need to be picked up from school, obviously distance would keep me from being available. However, should [child’s name] need emergency medical care, I am able to provide a legal release for his/her care and should be listed as the first alternate contact after his father/mother. I should also be the first alternate contact for all other behavior related or non-emergency situations where [child’s name] does not need to be sent home.

Enclosed you will find the pertinent excerpts from the court order. I appreciate your time and look forward to working with you to ensure [child’s name]’s continued educational success!


Your name

This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. Mary

    I have two children who moved with their Father almost three years ago to another state (TN). Right after they moved, I tried to contact their teachers and was dealt with very rudely and was basically told that they would not share any information with me. It would be too difficult to share information with two sets of parents, and that I needed to contact their Father–school policy. While I know that this is not the case for other divorced parents at that school, I believe that I was discriminated against because of the circumstances.

    You raise an interesting question–I don’t know my rights regarding emergency medical authorization, and I will have to look into that. I know that I am listed last for contacts and authorized for pick up. I do like you letter and will definitely use it to get one off to their teachers.

  2. Sarah

    Thank you so much for this letter i think this is exactly what i was looking for. This is my sons second year at Knight Elementary School and is going to 1st grade in the fall. Last year was a nightmare trying to get his school records so this will clear everything up for the new teacher right from the beginning. A hearty thank you to you!

  3. Jennifer White

    Thank you for the examples. They are so perfect for me. I have been searching for something like this for a long time. Looks like I will be sending these tomorrow to my daughters school

  4. Lisa Miller

    Thank you very much for this suggestion and example. My daughter and I have been maintaining our LD relationship going on our fifth year. Almost 3,000 miles separate us. I’ve drafted a letter to her school and will be mailing it next week.

  5. Zoe

    Thank you for this info. My desire to be involved in my daughter’s life has been framed by my ex-husband as interference and stalking to others. It makes all the difference knowing a law is SUPPOSED to support us.

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