Last Updated on March 30, 2026 by Distance Parent
Federal law gives both parents the right to access their child’s school records, attend conferences, and stay involved in their education, regardless of which parent the child lives with. But knowing your rights and having the school respect them are two different things. This article covers what long distance parents need to know about FERPA, why a written letter to the school matters, and includes a template you can use right now.
Nothing in this article constitutes legal advice. For guidance specific to your situation, consult a qualified family law attorney.
What Is FERPA and Why Does It Matter for Long Distance Parents?
FERPA, the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act, is a federal law. It requires schools to release student information to both parents regardless of custody arrangements. Report cards, progress reports, field trip information, and parent-teacher conferences; both parents are entitled to all of it.
The problem is that many schools have never had a child with a long distance parent. Administrative staff may assume that a parent who is not local is uninvolved. Not everyone is familiar with the practical implications of FERPA in a long distance parenting situation. And in contentious co-parenting relationships, a co-parent can muddy the waters with the school before you ever make contact.
Here is an example school policy from the Salt Lake City school district. It’s very typical of school district policy:
The district presumes that both parents share legal custody and share the right to make educational decisions regarding their student. However, when a dispute arises, the parent who enrolled the student is considered by the district to have physical and legal custody of the student until a signed legal document describing the custodial arrangement is provided to the school/district.
What this means in practice: if there is any doubt about custody, the school defaults to treating your co-parent as the parent. You have no rights in their eyes until you provide documentation. A letter sent at the start of every school year prevents this problem before it starts.
For more on staying involved in your child’s education across distance, see How to Stay Involved With Your Child’s School.
Why Send a Letter Every Year?
School staff changes. Teachers change every year. Your child is moving to a new school for middle and high school. A letter sent in kindergarten is buried under years of other records by fifth grade and almost certainly never reaches your child’s current teacher.
Sending a new letter at the start of every school year resets the record. It introduces you to new staff, updates your contact information, reiterates your requests, and ensures everything is in writing. Only written requests are verifiable and recordable. A phone call cannot be confirmed, may never reach the right person, and leaves no paper trail.
What to Include in Your Letter
At a minimum, your letter should include:
An opening paragraph explaining your situation, including who you are, where you live, and why you are writing.
A specific list of what you are requesting: report cards, progress reports, conference inclusion, portal access, and emergency contact status. Do not assume the school knows what you want. Spell it out.
Several self-addressed stamped envelopes if the school mails records and correspondence.
The first page of your most current court order, or the pages that summarize custody arrangements, case number, and date of the order. This gives the school the documentation it needs to act on your requests without question.
Send the letter by tracked mail so you have proof of delivery, or by email to the principal or vice principal, with the relevant administrative staff copied. Email is now widely accepted and creates its own paper trail.
Template Letter to the School
Copy, adjust the bracketed placeholders to your situation, and send at the start of every school year:
[Date]
[School Name] [School Address]
To Whom It May Concern:
My [son/daughter], [child’s name], attends [grade level] at [school name]. [His/Her] [mother/father], [custodial parent’s name], and I are divorced and share unrestricted joint custody. [Child’s name] lives with [his/her] [mother/father] in [child’s city] and I live in [your city and state]. I remain very much an active part of [child’s name]’s everyday life and school life.
Please ensure that I am listed as [his/her] [mother/father] on all school records. My contact information is as follows:
[Your name] [Your address] Cell: [your number] Email: [your email]
I would like to be copied on report cards, progress reports, and any correspondence sent to [child’s name]’s [father/mother] regarding my child’s progress, behavior, or any teacher or administrative comments or concerns. You will find [number] self-addressed stamped envelopes enclosed, and I am happy to provide more as needed.
I would also like access to the online parent portal for my child’s records.
Please include me in all parent-teacher conferences via phone or video call. I am happy to call the school at the appointed conference time.
Please do not hesitate to contact me regarding [child’s name] at any time. The best number to reach me is my cell phone listed above.
Regarding non-emergency situations where [child’s name] may need to be picked up from school, distance would prevent me from being available in person. However, should [child’s name] require emergency medical care, I am able to provide a legal release for their care and should be listed as the first alternate contact after [his/her] [father/mother]. I should also be listed as the first alternate contact for behavior-related or non-emergency situations that do not require sending the child home.
Enclosed please find the relevant excerpts from our court order. I appreciate your time and look forward to working with you to ensure [child’s name]’s continued educational success.
Sincerely,
[Your name]
Frequently Asked Questions
Yes. FERPA requires schools to provide both parents access to student records and school communications, regardless of which parent has physical custody. The only exception is if a court order specifically restricts one parent’s access.
This is exactly why the annual letter and enclosed court order documentation matter. Schools default to the parent who enrolls when custody is unclear. Providing your court order documentation proactively prevents your co-parent from restricting your access without a legal basis.
Yes. Email is widely accepted and creates its own paper trail. If emailing, address it to the principal or vice principal and copy the relevant administrative staff. Keep a copy of the sent email for your records.
Yes. School staff and teachers change annually, and your child will move to new schools over time. A letter sent once does not follow your child reliably through the system. Sending a new letter at the start of every school year ensures the current staff knows who you are and what you need.
Document everything. Keep copies of your letter, proof of delivery, and any responses or lack of response. If the school continues to deny you access to records or conferences you are entitled to under FERPA, you can file a complaint with the US Department of Education’s Student Privacy Policy Office. Consulting a family law attorney familiar with your state’s education laws is also advisable.
I have two children who moved with their Father almost three years ago to another state (TN). Right after they moved, I tried to contact their teachers and was dealt with very rudely and was basically told that they would not share any information with me. It would be too difficult to share information with two sets of parents, and that I needed to contact their Father–school policy. While I know that this is not the case for other divorced parents at that school, I believe that I was discriminated against because of the circumstances.
You raise an interesting question–I don’t know my rights regarding emergency medical authorization, and I will have to look into that. I know that I am listed last for contacts and authorized for pick up. I do like you letter and will definitely use it to get one off to their teachers.
Thanks
Thank you so much for this letter i think this is exactly what i was looking for. This is my sons second year at Knight Elementary School and is going to 1st grade in the fall. Last year was a nightmare trying to get his school records so this will clear everything up for the new teacher right from the beginning. A hearty thank you to you!
Thank you for the examples. They are so perfect for me. I have been searching for something like this for a long time. Looks like I will be sending these tomorrow to my daughters school
Thank you very much for this suggestion and example. My daughter and I have been maintaining our LD relationship going on our fifth year. Almost 3,000 miles separate us. I’ve drafted a letter to her school and will be mailing it next week.
Thank you for this info. My desire to be involved in my daughter’s life has been framed by my ex-husband as interference and stalking to others. It makes all the difference knowing a law is SUPPOSED to support us.