Last Updated on May 13, 2026 by Distance Parent
Telling your child you are moving away is one of the harder conversations a parent can have. There is no one-size-fits-all answer or conversation template, but with the right preparation, it is a conversation you can have well.
Nothing in this article constitutes legal advice. For guidance specific to your situation, consult a qualified family law attorney.
Before You Have the Conversation
If you are still in the decision-making phase, start with Should I Move Away From My Child? Once the decision is made, the preparation below will help you have the conversation as constructively as possible.
Plan What You Want to Say
Positives, Negatives, and Remedies
If you have already made a pros-and-cons list, that is a great place to start. Make a list with three columns: positives, negatives, and remedies. For each negative, write down a few things that can make it better. The remedies will not completely solve every negative, but they will go a long way toward making it more manageable. Make sure there is a remedy for every single negative. Try to get past the very basic “more time with dad, less time with mom” framing and think through the full picture.
Plan for Long-Distance Parenting
Put together a plan for how you will stay involved in your child’s school, support the other parent on discipline and school matters, and be present for events and milestones. Research long-distance parenting ideas, virtual visitation, and letter-writing kits. Enroll in frequent flyer programs and explore video chat options that work for your child’s age and device. The more concrete your plan is before the conversation, the more reassurance you can offer.
Think About How Your Child Communicates
Consider your child’s age and how they process information best. Are they visual or do they prefer verbal communication? Honest, age-appropriate communication works best. Think through how to express this in a way that genuinely works for your specific child.
There are some good children’s books about moving and family transitions that can help younger children process what is happening. The Invisible String by Patrice Karst is highly recommended by the Distance Parent community for younger children. For guidance on talking to older children and teenagers, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk and How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are both well regarded.
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Also, prepare for the questions your child is likely to ask: Why are you moving? Will I still see you? When will I see you? Where are you going? Other questions will depend on their age, understanding, and your specific circumstances. Having honest answers ready matters.
Get Your Co-Parent on Board First
Before you talk to your child, talk to your co-parent. Although not all co-parenting relationships are cooperative, taking the initiative to make this as constructive as possible is worth the effort.
Put together a statement of intent for how you would like to co-parent going forward. What is your vision for the co-parenting relationship? What does cooperative long distance parenting look like in practice? Having a parenting plan in place before this conversation significantly strengthens your position.
When you have that conversation with your co-parent, listen. They may not have had the benefit of preparation time and may speak openly about fears or concerns. Hear them out. If you have considered those fears, offer ideas for how you might move forward cooperatively.
Many co-parents of long distance parents feel abandoned in parenting. Making it clear that you are not abandoning them in the parenting role makes them less likely to pass that feeling on to your child through their actions, moods, and non-verbal communication.
Having the Actual Conversation
Children are perceptive. They read between the lines more than they listen to the lines themselves. If you have decided to move, you need to genuinely see it as workable before you can help your child do the same. If you approach the conversation with dread or guilt written across your face, your child will pick up on it regardless of what you say. Do not have the conversation until you are in the right headspace.
If at all possible, have the conversation together with your co-parent. If that is not possible, go it alone. You will be fine.
Be honest about the downsides. Do not hide them. Invite questions and make it clear that your child can talk about the hard parts without being dismissed. Show your child the positives and your commitment to making it work. End on a note of reassurance and connection.
If you are a genuine team cheerleader for both your child and the other parent, you can make this work.
Carrie,
This is wonderful….thank you so much for posting this and not more than a couple days since we emailed each other. Long Distance Parents is an invaluable resource for which I am monumentally grateful!! Thanks so much to you and everyone who helps make it possible.
God Bless
My wife and I have been married four, together six. We came together with my daughter who is 16, and her two kids 7 and 9. And almost two years ago we were blessed by a fourth child together. My wife just got offered a big promotion which would move all of us but my 16 year old daughter who would remain with her mother. We would be several days drive away preventing visitation for most of the school year. This big promotion also results in her being able to move close to her family and her children also being closer. How do I tell my daughter without her feeling like she’s been replaced? Forgotten? Left behind? How do I sell this move to my daughter when there is no benefit? I know if I don’t move we will divorce and I’ll see both my children half time. If I tell her we can’t move she will be unhappy because this opportunity is a benefit for her and her kids.
Hi, I’d start with the pros and cons list in the post above. In cons, add how you believe your daughter could feel and really think through the best ways to make sure her needs are fulfilled and in pros, make sure to include the reasons the move makes sense. If at the end of the pros and cons list, there isn’t a compelling reason to move, then you will need to have that conversation with your partner. If there IS a compelling reason to move, it’s really down to coming up for solutions for the cons. Getting a promotion can mean a lot of pros that benefit the kids, depending upon the situation. For example, if you are having trouble paying your bills, your mental health and ability to do stuff for the kids is impacted and a promotion might solve some of that. On the other hand, if the promotion isn’t fixing anything or making the situation for you and your child better, that is definitely worth taking a hard look at whether that makes sense right now.
As for ‘selling’ it to her… I don’t know that I’ve ever really thought about it that way. Instead, if all signs point to this being a good move for you and your child, spend time planning how you will be a good long distance parent and really digging into the details of what visitation will look like etc (links above). These details might fill in some of your cons list (ldp is more time, money, and a learning curve, for sure). Have all of that done before you have a conversation with your child so that you can show her that you have considered her in your planning and can give her an idea of how it will work.
Thank you. I can see the pros and I see the cons, but there are no good answer for my daughter as to why we’d move away from her. It benefits my wife, and her three children. Our child is young enough to where these changes won’t affect her. My daughter though gets left behind, sees her sister and step siblings seldomly, let alone myself. I have to tell her that the move is happening, but there isn’t one positive thing that comes from it for her. And there is my struggle. I tell my wife we don’t move, you cant have your dream job, and live within an hour from all your family because it doesn’t benefit my daughter putting my marriage at risk and potential ability to see our child, and my daughter seeing her sibling? It just sucks anyway you cut it. And we don’t know how to tell her? There is nothing beneficial for her from this move.