Last Updated on July 15, 2026 by Distance Parent
Long distance parenting across international borders brings its own particular weight. The time zones are wider, the flights are longer, and the cultural distance adds another layer to an already complicated situation.
This letter, written by a longtime Distance Parent community member who moved from South America back to his home in the UK, illustrates what that experience feels like from the inside:
“I was looking on Google for a forum for long distance parents. Over the past three months, I have been slowly adjusting to a new life thousands of miles from my son. I am English and have recently moved back to the UK from South America, where my son lives with his mum.
I feel desperately sad at times. I worry a lot about my very nearly four-year-old son. From the sounds of it, he is quite depressed at times, biting his nails a lot. I am seeking a community because last night I got quite an upset email from his mum telling me that, at the moment, things are especially hard. My son had his last day at nursery this week, another loss for him.
I make some kind of contact with him every day, either through video calling, telephone, or by sending a little email with some pictures. I find these things help me, and sometimes my son seems to like them too. Sometimes I think video calling frustrates him a lot. While reading a picture book to him the other day, he said to me, “You can’t read it properly when you’re not here.”
Generally, I find reading and books to be a good way of connecting. I try to make our video calls fun, if that seems to be the vibe, to get us laughing and playing like we do when we’re together. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it does not, and even though I feel sad when it does not, I always tell my boy that it is ok that he did not feel like talking today, and that we will connect again soon.
The biggest challenge of long distance parenting is that it simply is not the same as real physical contact. I used to play rough and tumble, rolling in the park, kicking a ball to each other, touching the pages of a book together, running around with my son on my shoulders and back. All this tactile contact, which was so wonderful, is not possible. The connection sometimes falters and we cannot hear each other well. Video calling makes things so much easier than if it did not exist, but it is no replacement for real physical contact, especially with a young child. (For ideas on making video calls more engaging, see virtual visitation ideas for long distance parents.)
In my visitation agreement, I get to video call him five times a week. His mum knows what an important bond we have and is very cooperative about organising it, as is his grandmother who sometimes looks after him.
My son was three and three-quarters when I left for England. I really think this is not an ideal age, but what age is? He came with me to the airport, saw me crying, and asked: “Why are you crying, Dad?” I do not think a three-year-old can understand what it means to be gone for a long time, and I think it must be very anxiety-provoking for him.
One idea I had that I really like was to make a photo album before I left. I made two identical albums, one for me and one for my son. It was full of photos of us together, from him as a baby until the moment I left. There are many blank pages at the back and I told him that we would put more photos in it when we are together in the future. I look at it when I am feeling sad or missing him. Usually it makes me cry, a deep painful cry, but afterwards I feel better. (For a similar idea, see how to make a photo box for your child.)
The challenges of being a long distance parent are real. Guilt, loneliness, feeling left out, feeling replaced, worrying about being forgotten. These feelings can be close to unbearable at times. Denying the pain is not realistic. It needs to be acknowledged and embraced. If your child is close to your heart, the gap in physical space can become more tolerable. The most powerful tool a long distance parent has is love.”
If this resonates with you, the Distance Parent Facebook group is a private community of parents who understand the experience firsthand.
