Last Updated on March 16, 2026 by Distance Parent
Does Long Distance Parenting Affect Children? What Grown Kids and Their Parents Report
The experience of long-distance parents who have raised children to adulthood is consistent: active, involved long-distance parenting does not damage children or the parent-child relationship.
There are many studies about the effects of divorce and studies about the effects of having an absent parent. Those are the sorts of studies attorneys bring up in court. However, a child with a long-distance parent is not necessarily the product of divorce. And a distance parent is not an absent parent. As a result, most existing studies do not directly address how long-distance parenting affects a child.
What does exist is a growing body of both scientific and anecdotal evidence, and both point in the same direction. For the research, see Does Having a Long Distance Parent Hurt Children? What the Research Actually Shows. What follows is the lived experience of long-distance parents who have raised their children to adulthood, along with what those children have said about growing up with a long-distance parent.
The authors of this site are not therapists, psychologists, or psychiatrists. Nothing in this article should be construed as advice. This is shared as a person-to-person experience from within the long-distance parenting community.
Early Childhood at a Distance
A longtime Distance Parent community member shares this:
“Last night, as my son and I sat at the counter eating strawberries, we were talking about him writing his first words. He was 5 years old, and they were ‘dog’, ‘god’, and ‘no’. I told him the story and about how proud he was of them. He wrote them in a chat window during an internet visitation with me.
Now 11, he giggled and asked for more details, the same way he’s asked about his first steps or for me to tell him how I met his dad. It’s a memory just like all the rest — even though it happened over internet chat during a time when I couldn’t be there with him.
I remember how much I needed those small moments to reassure me that I was still connected with him and that our relationship was meaningful. I worried that he wouldn’t understand how to have a long-distance relationship. That he’d feel like I abandoned him. That maybe I was fooling myself and that none of what I did would be enough. That our relationship would be damaged. That he would be damaged, despite every attempt on my part.
He’s 11 now. He’s been back with me for about 5 years — plenty of time for any damage to have shown up. It has not.”
When the Kids Grow Up
The same community member shared this update:
“My son is 19 now. Officially an adult. He left my home at 17, after graduation, to stay with his dad, and then was off to college. I can’t measure the effects of having a long-distance parent on my son. But I can say that he is healthy, well, and successful. He wants an MBA, and he’s balancing school, working over his breaks, good health, and extracurriculars with the ease that any young adult manages a full life.
He’s been doing lots of exploring who he is and how he came to be the person he is. We have had many conversations about his childhood, my parenting, and, yes, the long-distance parenting arrangement. He has at no point expressed that having a parent long distance is the source of any of his pain or questions. His childhood experiences stem from situations completely unrelated to having a parent who is long-distance. He has expressed that he wishes we had lived closer together, but then the conversation moves on. It was an aside.
He demonstrates that he has a great relationship with both of his parents, even though one of his parents was always at a distance. My son had a rocky few years in his teens, where I was pretty sure he might hate me forever. But that passed, and we have a solid relationship now.
His father and I are both distance parents now. While my son is an adult, he still depends upon us quite a bit. As it turns out, there is no end to long-distance parenting, just change.”
What the Long Distance Parenting Community Reports
Long-distance parents who have stayed involved in the Distance Parent community after their children grew up consistently report the same things.
Their children are not dysfunctional and do not hate their parents. The parent-child relationships that long-distance parents worked hard to maintain were maintained. The fears that drove so many sleepless nights, that the distance would be permanent damage, that the child would grow up feeling abandoned, that the relationship would never recover, did not materialize for parents who stayed actively involved.
The factors they most consistently attribute their success to are open and honest communication with their child over the years, healthy communication with their co-parent whenever possible, and sustained involvement; staying present, loving, and active in their child’s life regardless of obstacles. Visits, phone calls, video chats, letters, and every other tool available were used consistently and purposefully.
Perhaps most importantly, they stayed with it. When co-parenting got difficult, when court rulings were discouraging, when kids went through phases of resistance or silence, they kept showing up. That consistency, more than any single strategy or tool, is what long-distance parents with successful adult children point to most often.
All of them would tell you it was a hard road. Distance parenting is a skill set that does not come with a broad library of learning resources. That is part of why this community exists.
Both the anecdotal and scientific evidence on the effects of having a long-distance parent are positive.
Frequently Asked Questions
Based on both community experience and available research, no, provided you continue to actively parent your child from a distance. Parents who remain involved, communicative, and consistent report that their children grow into healthy, well-adjusted adults.
The consistent experience of long-distance parents who have raised children to adulthood is that it does not, as long as the parent continues to take an active role in the child’s life and maintains open, honest communication with them throughout. There are many things that can damage a parent-child relationship. Physical distance alone, when met with sustained involvement and love, is not one of them.
No, with the understanding that deciding to move away and remain a good parent requires actively continuing to parent. That means keeping the relationship strong, staying involved in your child’s life, and being part of their support system consistently over time.
Adult children raised with a long-distance parent who remained actively involved consistently report that the distance itself was not a source of lasting damage or resentment. The quality and consistency of the relationship mattered far more than the physical proximity.
Long-distance parents who report the strongest outcomes with their adult children consistently point to open communication with their child, healthy co-parent communication where possible, sustained active involvement in the child’s life, and persistence through the difficult periods that every long-distance parenting relationship encounters.
