I haven’t posted here in awhile.  Truth be told, I view this site (and accompanying Facebook page) as an uplifting support system, ripe with extremely valuable insight and optimistic outlooks and advice on how best to make the most of a very trying situation.  I love how all involved help to lift each other up, give advice and share their own stories.  It’s a virtual home of hope and support, all in such a wonderful vein of positivity.

I guess lately, I’ve felt that I can’t add too much of that hopeful outlook, as I’ve been struggling as my little girl has started Kindergarten, and that changed the dynamic quite a bit for me.  I still try to call her every single day (my work Outlook Calendar is still blocked for 30 minutes every afternoon for the task).  But more and more phone calls go unanswered.  More and more text messages go unreturned.  Each unreciprocated attempt feels like another kick in the gut, to the point where I have come to not expect a connection, but rather that vacant sound of the generic voicemail voice, prompting me, yet again, to leave a message – a message that I’ll inevitably wonder if my little girl ever heard, or paid too much attention to, in light of all else that is going on in her life; a life that I feel more and more distanced from.

I don’t want to paint a portrait of desperation or despair.  As mentioned, I’ve come to… (More)

For most of the past two years I have been living 1,100 miles away from my beloved children. The decision to move far away from them did not come easily but I have had to live with it every day since then. I have tried very hard to soothe myself with the fact that they live in my ex-wife’s hometown, a small place with very few job opportunities and where, for more than eight years, I struggled to earn a living and to make friends. I know that my life there was mostly unhappy and unfulfilling but, when my ex-wife and I were together, I at least could comfort myself in knowing that I could enjoy spending time with my kids every day.

When I agreed to move to my ex-wife’s hometown 10 years ago, I did so with an open mind and a sense of adventure. We had just gotten married and were leaving behind a lot of stress and strain. For one thing, we both worked in downtown Washington, DC, and the horror of 9/11 was fresh in our minds. For another, we had just survived a nightmare scenario, in which my whole extended family went to war with us over our wedding plans, which were apparently not in line with their highfalutin standards. The idea of raising our family in a tidy little New England village near the ocean seemed quite seductive at the time. I would find a job, and she would stay home and raise… (More)

When you live away from your kids and the custodial parent, exchanging checks or eyeballing the same physical document is not possible. Fortunately for us, these days, the internet hosts a variety of websites with services or tools that allow you to do just that.

There are a plethora of paid shared custody tool websites, which I will cover in a later post. However, there are ways to manage these tasks really simply, for free, and maybe even using tools that you already use.

Paypal

When parents don’t live close together, handing the custodial parent a child support check every month isn’t an option. Or when your child has an unexpected ER visit, it might not be feasible for the custodial parent to wait a week to receive your part of the medical expenses and for the check to clear their bank.

Paypal is quick, reliable and easy. Once your account is set up (which can be a rather lengthy process, if you don’t already use paypal), you can send money to anyone who has a paypal account – ie: the custodial parent, hopefully.

Best of all, it records every transaction that you can easily report on. No more hanging on to receipts,check stubs and bank statements in order to prove that you paid your child support on time or that you paid your part of the medical bills.

Google Docs

If you’ve ever had to go through one of those mind numbing conversations or email chains… (More)

No matter how a person comes to be in a long distance parenting situation, by choice or by circumstance, one thing remains:  Being away from a child is hard!  Having a support system helps and this site is a great place to start.  It has helped me to understand that I am absolutely not alone in being a long distance mom.  I’ve also recently joined a local support group for parents in similar situations.  It is refreshing to share experiences with other moms who don’t look at me funny when I say my daughter lives in another state.  It is understood that every situation is different and we don’t judge.  I highly recommend connecting with other long distance parents in whatever way works for you:  online, in person, or both.

~Holly 

I have recently given out this information to several long distance parents and it’s helpful stuff. Did you know that Utah and Wisconsin have laws on the books that require a judge to consider virtual visitation as part of a long distance parenting arrangement? Of course, this wouldn’t be used to substitute for in-person parenting time which is another thing that the laws help with.

There are bills in several other states including Illinois, Virginia, Missouri and Ohio and there is pre-bill activity in several other states.

You can find a complete list of all of the states here as well as sample letters that you can use to write to senators and state representatives in your state to support these bills.