I am the father of a 4 year old boy that is currently living in Colombia with his mother and her family. I just found out about him around 2 years ago and my life has been a whirlwind ever since.
I met his mother while I was in my 3rd year of medical school in Miami. We dated for about 5 months but then I was heading to NYC to finish my last 1 1/2 years of school. Due to some miscommunication on both of our parts, we split up and went our separate ways. We tried keeping in touch for a little while but, to be honest, I wasn’t all that attentive since we were no longer in a relationship.
About 3 years after that I received an email on my birthday wishing me a great birthday. I was pleasantly shocked and responded. We started emailing on a regular basis over the next couple of weeks. She told me she moved back to Colombia. I thought it was interesting she contacted me and she was no longer living in the states. She asked if I had the same phone number, which I did, and she called me a couple days later. She asked me questions like was I married?, was I in a relationship? and I didn’t think much of it accept it was a little strange. We talked for a couple hours and then she asked me if I had Skype. I told her I did and she said we should talk on Skype very soon.
About 2 days later she called me and asked me if I wanted to get on Skype and I said sure. After about an hour of talking she said that she had something to tell me. My heart stopped for a second and in my head I thought “wow, I have a child”, then I immediately thought “well, maybe she is married.” Since I am writing on this site I am sure you can guess which one it was. She told me I was the father of a 2 1/2 year old son and stated showing me pictures. I must have gone through every single emotion over the next 24 hours. She told me that I have been a part of his life since the beginning with pictures and stories she would tell him about me. I met my son the next night and of course he was shy but started calling me papa since that day.
It has been almost 2 years and things are crazy. I have visited Colombia 3 times so far and try to talk to him over Skype whenever possible. His mother and I tried to see if things could work out but unfortunately it does not look like they will and she has decided that she will not be moving back to the U.S.
Right now I am having issues dealing with the amount of time I get to see him. When we do get on Skype it is for no less than 1 hour. However, it seems like that only happens about once a week. I try to talk to his mother about this but I always get the response about how busy their lives are over there and how their culture is, and that basically I just have to live with it. Even though he has met my parents and sisters through Skype it is only when I am over there visiting that that happens. His mother continues to talk about how family is so important and how I am such an important part of “the family” but then I hardly get to see my son.
I have been looking for a support group in the Dallas area for the last 2 years but have been unable to find anything. It looks like this website may be very helpful. I didn’t see if there are any “live chat” support groups on here but if there are please let me know. Thank you in advance for being there for us and each other. I look forward to finding peace and possibly helping others do the same.