The comments sections of the posts on the site are always active with new comments from long distance parents. Reading through these can give an immediate sense of support from other long distance parents.  Getting involved in the conversation is even better! Commenting is easy and does not require a subscription. Although, if you’d like to get updates when someone replies, you can do that too!  Here are the most recent comments on the site.


  • Lee : Hello, I will be in this situation soon with my son a similar age. How has it worked for you? on My Two Beautiful Daughters are in Another Country
  • hurtingaway : I am really glad I read up on this. There is like one member of my family that makes me feel really bad for moving away across the country. My current boyfriend moved back home and we talked about what would be best because my hometown had nothing to offer us. At first I talked with my ex about our son living with me and that is what was gonna happen but he changed his mind right before. we sat down and both came up with an agreement that he would live there and visit with me in the summer. I pay for our son’s phone and playstation bill so that I can talk to him and play games with him. i make sure he has new clothes for school. this is the first year we have done this and flying him back was a very hard thing to do. but I call him every single day and I try my best to stay involved in the activities he is doing. I need to get my license and a better job than I had. we are trying to buy a house so my son has a stable environment as well when he is here. he made friends and we took him places. It makes me feel better knowing that trying for your children is better than staying put ina place that can not offer you guys a better life. I have made some progress since I have moved and I hope that eventually when our son is old enough, his father will let him move here instead. me and his father have had our fights but we really have worked together and we coparent very very well now. he keeps me up to date on what’s going on there as I do when he was here. I hope my plans to succeed here actually turn out good so I can give him a great life. but I cry all the time and it definitely hurts when I cant hug and kiss him. no decent parent wants to make those hard decisions but if you are actually trying to better your child’s life, they will understand later and be grateful. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • David : Your story and effort give me so much hope. Thank you for sharing! on The Firing Squad
  • Brandon : I was just looking this up because ive been torn on what to do. Im 27 currently in IL work union contruction but always wanted to leave this state and do something better this state is the worst. I now have a 3.5 year old boy with a women thats a great mom but is one of the most toxic narcissistic person ive ever been around…. saying that we have obviously split and i want to still continue my pursuit to happiness and success and go down to texas where i planned on going to a prestige welding academy and starting my own private pipeline company. Just curious how hard it is being gone and if its the right thing to do having a boy and him being so young i dont want him to think i left him. Knowing her she will fill his head just looking for thoughts. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Carrie : Although my situation is different, I can totally relate to being in a tough situation like that and there are certainly lots of other long distance parents in very similar situations. Being able to take care of yourself and those you are responsible for is paramount, IMO. If you are in a situation where you can’t afford basic living expenses, then you can’t do that and sometimes that means totally reevaluating the situation and rearranging things to make that possible, which sometimes means moving. My own opinion, clearly, is that moving doesn’t mean abandonment and it is possible to stay super involved in your child’s life while being at a distance. Family sometimes does criticize… as does the rest of our surrounding society. Sometimes, you just have to put your head down and do the best thing despite criticism. If you haven’t done the pros and cons list, maybe start there. And check out the facebook group for a bunch of really great support from others that have been there too. 🙂 on Most Recent Comments on the Site
  • Ashley : I really need some advice. This is heavy on my heart and I can already feel the critisms coming from my family. My ex and I were not married 11 years ago when I got pregnant with our son. I had full custody, then when he started school he got full custody. I had to relocate to Alabama awhile he stayed in PA. We had an okay plan for me seeing our son. He relocated to FL with his wife, daughter, and our son. (Job transfer) he said if I move my family bc I married have a son and sole custody of his children he would do 50/50 custody. Well we moved here 5 months ago and we are drowning trying to stay okay financially, but it’s not working. My husband is 100% disabled veteran and together we have 6 kids. I work full time and see my kid (my ex n i’s) whenever our son wants to come visit and when he is grounded he punishes me of not seeing him bc he is grounded from going anywhere//which means my house. I didnt sign up for this kind of relationship with our son to be controlled or him controlling the situation. Our son is ADHD and borderline spectrum disorder. We financially cant afford it here and it’s taking a strain on my marriage. I don’t know what to do and really need advice. My husband has been supportive but he is real and he knows we are struggling. We also take care of my 70 yr old mom who lives with us who just ripped me to shreds about wanting too move. I love my 11 yr old more than words can Express but we can’t afford it here in FLORIDA. on Most Recent Comments on the Site
  • Kaj : I’m in the throws of going through the same thing here. My ex is insisting she needs to move out of state to be with her family and take my 11yr old daughter with her. I’m at a loss for what to do. Ex says she can’t live in CA with what she makes and with no support (she’s a loner of sorts). Am I stupid or a bad father for even considering letting her move away with my daughter? Ugh… on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Pam : I am sorry to hear and feel your frustration. I’m in a similar situation but my daughter is old enough to say where she wants to be. its sad that we have to deal with men, who are controlling us in situations like these. Have you reached out to a church or social services organizarion for emotional support? It’s hard going through situations like this but I find my strength in God and support from those in the church. Please pray over your children and their fathers. There is hope in God bc he is faithful. It may not be easy but know that God works all things for good. Remember to stay positive and know that although you feel alone, you are not. Keep trying with the courts. Pray over the judge. Mycourt issues, I let go of that stress. I wasted money that could have gone towards my kids. Let God fight your battles. Most importantly, talk to your daughter if she’s old enough to understand. Find support groups. I’m not sure where you are located but look for free or low cost activities to do with your kids. Maybe a church or social service agency will even sponsor activities for you and your daughter to enjoy together or can help you find better employment opportunities. Be blessed! on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Roxasia : I met my fiancé online and moved from MI to be with him in AR. We have been together for 3 years and I love him very much. I have been very depressed though because I miss my family terribly in MI and I hate being here in AR. My fiancé has a 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship and I recently told him how much I miss my family and how much I want to move back with him. I asked him to come with me and he asked for time in making this very tough decision to possibly leave his child to be with me. Was it the right decision to ask him to move with me? If he makes either decision ( to break off the engagement to stay with his daughter or to move with me away from her), will he resent me or her? His daughter is his life and I made the sacrifice to live away from my family to further this relationship, but I am extremely close with my family and they need me. Should I make the decision for him to take the stress from this decision away from him and just leave? My fiancé thinks a lot of the stereotypes about parents leaving their kids because his father left him and he was abandoned very young (was not in his life to any degree) and I told him he’s nothing like his father and I know he would call his daughter, see his daughter very often, but he still feels like it’s abandonment or makes him a deadbeat dad. I know I’m not a long distance parent but I thought I would post my recent dilemma to get some insight in other parents. Be honest and let me know; am I a horrible person to ask this of a parent? on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Luw : I am a mother of a 6-year-old son and a 10 -year-old daughter. My daughter has always been with me and was with me before I ever met my ex. My ex and I are no longer together because he was over controlling and then started running around with somebody else. We currently have joint custody of our son. He stays with me for two weeks and then goes to his father for two weeks on a rotating schedule and then we share every other holiday reversing the next year. I had fought for custody for over a year for my son to be able to move away with me. I spent a fortune in lawyer fees And spent every bit of money from my savings until I couldn’t fight anymore. The courts would not allow my son to move away with me given that he was born in the state. I have absolutely no family and no support here. I struggle with my job because I have no support or help here and it’s been extremely hard to find a job making the money I need to and be able to be home for my daughter and my son when I have him in the evenings. I feel like I’m alone in every way here and I feel like I am falling deeper and into depression. All my family is in another state 9 hours away. I am struggling to survive here on my own. I never have any money to ever do anything with my kids. My sons father makes a lot more money than I do and is able to go do everything and everything with our son. My daughter gets jealous of all the things that they do and that she doesn’t get to do because I can’t afford it. His father refuses to let him be with me if I move. I am thinking very hard about moving because I am just not making it here and if I move back home I can gain back stability and be able to start saving for a house and make a future. My daughter will have her family instead of it just being me and her. But It is killing me in every way to ever think of me leaving my son but his father refuses to let him move and probably would prefer if I fell off a cliff so he could have him all to himself. He does not care if I move and in fact I think it makes him happy. I stay here to be near my son but I am constantly tormented by my son’s father and he tries to do everything he can to make my life a living hell. I find myself crying myself to sleep many nights because I feel like I will break my sons heart leaving him but I can’t keep going on like this it is killing me inside and out. The thought of leaving my son versus what is best for my daughter and ever getting any further than where I’m at now. It is not fair that I have to continue dealing with my sons father the way he acts towards me and being all alone here. I am scared I will break my sons heart and that my ex will do everything he can to put the worst images of me because I left to try to get our son to resent me even though I am planning on doing everything everything I can to stay in communication with my son on a daily basis if I can make it through his father and will get him during the summers too. I love my son so much and I don’t want him to hate me because I left. I don’t know if the pain will be worse leaving him and being so far away from him versus the struggle of being alone here trying to make it all by myself and going through the hell I go through monthly with his father. I feel like I am catering my life for one child while the other one is getting deprived of so much more she could have. I am in a war with myself. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Christie Morris : I’m sure glad to see I am not alone. My ex husband and I divorced in 2013. He took everything. The house, the kids and the money. Sadly I turned to alcohol to cope and ended up losing custody of my 2 girls. I went to rehab in 2016 and the biggest thing they stress is change your people, places and things. I had lost my job to to my alcohol abuse. When I got out of rehab I went back to my apartment and back to the same people. I relapsed for about 2 months and got evicted again. At that point I had nothing. My ex landlord would not let me get my stuff. So I put my tail between my legs and moved 3 hours away to my moms. Best decision I made for myself. I have been sober for 3 years now, own a home here and have a great job. I drive down every other Friday to get my girls. A total of 6.5 hours. Lately my 17 year old keeps making plans on my weekend and her Dad doesn’t side with me and tell her she has to come here. I just texted her and said do you work next Friday? She said I work all weekend so I don’t think I’m coming with you. Every time I call her out she says it’s not my fault you moved there. But mind you she never works on her dads weekends. I’m at my wits end with her. I gave her a credit card to use. She abuses it. I told her You cancel on me every time but you’ll come to Florida with me in August. Her response was cancel my ticket. I don’t know what to do anymore. Any advice? on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Dorn : Hi yeah i am a nin custodial father, the mother lives 4 hours away at her mothers with no car or drivers liscence. So not everyweekend but at least 2\3 i drive to see my daughter at her. Mothers mothers house. It is uncomftorble for me and deffinatly a pain in the xxx driving that far all the time, this weekend however i was helping a freind move and ran out of time to drive 8 hours in one day with no sleep so i decided to stay home. The mother felt the need to tell me that our daughter kept looking out the window saying “daddy upie daddy upie.. “ that really messed me up. Now im crying in the work truck. Im glad im not the only one to feel this… Thanks for reading on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Angel : What did you decide to do? I’m in the same boat on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Carrie : This one! on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Edward : Which FB group ? on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Nicole : Same boat as so many of you. My heart breaks every day being away from my kids, 14, 18, and 20. Twelve hours away. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Carrie : It can look selfish from the outside – but it’s kind of selfless to face being apart from your kids in an effort to better support yourself and therefore your kids, with the caveat that you stay very involved in their lives. Being away from our kids is awful. There is no parent that faces that feeling great about it. But sometimes the need to do it is desperate too. I don’t think you should be ashamed. I think this decision is a SUPER hard one for every long distance parent for exactly these reasons. Best of luck. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Carrie : It sounds reasonable. As for the chances of getting that in court, it kind of depends upon how well you can make the case for it, I think. California is not a stranger to long distance parenting but any judge will want to see a really compelling case for a move-away. It has to be more than your word on the air quality and lung issue etc. Have you considered consulting with an attorney to build the case? on How to Create a Legally Binding Long Distance Parenting Plan
  • Carrie : She might… she might not. At 16, they are basically making their own decisions, sometimes in spite of their parents. It sounds like she will have a lot to sort through in her life and she might come into and out of wanting closer or more distant relationships with either or both of you. I can relate very strongly to that, although my own history is a little different than hers. What I know is that kids always figure out the truth – so if the truth is that you love her and want the best for her, keep supporting her and loving her, even when, in her teenage haze, it seems like she isn’t hearing you. And if the truth is that her dad is controlling and abusive, she will see that too, eventually. It is really hard going through the teen years when they are pulling away and becoming independent and harder still when there is another parent at a distance that they can go to. Keep showing her you love her and cross your fingers that you’ve done a great job parenting her. What you’ve taught her will stick. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Carrie : Hi! You are definitely not alone in this situation. That decision is one of the toughest decisions to make, and is super common among long distance parents – the decision between health and livelihood and the ability to live and thrive versus staying put where the kids are. My personal opinion is that if you aren’t ok, you can’t support your kids. And in order for you to be ok, you have to be able to support yourself financially, physically and emotionally. That’s what makes many of us long distance parents. Those that judge you as a bad parent have never had to make that decision and have NO IDEA what you’re facing. Shake it off. I once had a friend who TOTALLY condemned me as a bad mother for moving away from my child… and then a few years later, found themselves being a long distance parent and totally suddenly ‘got it’. Seriously, let their feedback roll right off. If it’s someone close to you, set a boundary with them. It is scary – but you aren’t alone. Have you checked out the facebook group yet? on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Rayann : I just went through a long and extremely stressful situation with my ex and the courts(5/14/19). I spent all my savings, time and emotions, trying to convince the courts to allow me to move w/my 2 girls from MO. to TX. of course I was denied that. So now I have to move or stay. If I stay I won’t have a place to live or a job, if I move I have a job that pays 30k more then I have ever made and a home but not my 5 and 7 yr old daughters. My ex is the type that goes by “my way or no way” the country, non educated kind. Since I don’t have family, i didn’t have any support or anyone to talk to. Some people I have told understand and some judge me as a bad mother. What do I do? On top of that I have a 10yr old daughter(father left when she was 2) who will be coming with me and seems okay with the situation but I feel horrible that she will be distant from her half sisters and viversa. Not eating, not sleeping, not able to focus on anything else, I feel like my world has exploded and I can’t get it back together. As a mother of 3 girls, I have been the one to stay at home with each and take care of all the responsibilities of their school, doctors, and extracurricular activities, while working part time to help with the bills. My ex only came home to sleep and to see what bill’s needed paid. He is and never was a family man, his relationship with the girls is if he has them he takes them to his mother’s. It does hurt a little less knowing I’m not the only one going through this but with no family support for me, I am scared. Can anyone talk with me about this? Besides my 10yr old (who I have to stay happy and upbeat for) I’m alone in this world. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • msgs : I may be a long distant parent by no fault of my own. My ex-husband moved across country 4 years ago. We had been divorced about 6 months. He had never taken full advantage of his parenting time before he moved and didn’t after he moved. He is down to seeing her once a year. I have done most of the parenting while we were married and all of it since he moved. My daughter is adopted and I begged him not to move. I knew it would have lasting ramifications. Well now she is 16 and she took his leaving hard. She has recently struggled with being adopted, abandonment, anxiety. She wants to move in with him thinking this will fix her problems. That his leaving messed her up so she feels she needs to live there to fix herself. I have encouraged them to facetime, call each other and for her father to use all the parenting time he has.But he doesnt. Forfeits the summer, spring break and Thanksgiving. So now I am not going to be able to see her, watch her finish high school and I am hurt, sad, scared, angry and worry how her not seeing me will affect her. I will let her go if she really really decides to but it is a gut wrenching situation. I didn’t have a child to not raise her. When we divorced… he was abussive and a cheater… never did I think he would move so far away. Her dad and her new wife have no kids and have never had her very long. I am afraid she won’t like their strict and controlling ways and they are very selfish and kids take time and money… they won’t want to devote to her. Any experience with this? Grass is greener? Will she come back? on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Ashli : In February of 2014 my current husband and I moved from Michigan to California so that my ex husband could live with his girlfriend. At the time My ex husband and I shared custody of our two-year-old daughter and I felt she was too young to be flying back-and-forth multiple times a year or be away from either of us for any significant amount of time. So we made the move… Fast forward to present time, my husband and I have had 3 additional children with another one on the way. Two of our children suffer from health issues (involving heart issues, skin conditions and asthma issues) mostly related to where we live (the dry air and harvesting). They need to be somewhere the air is more moist so that their lungs are not working so hard all the time. It has also become financially very difficult to continue living here. However, anytime we try to relocate to another area my ex husband drags us back to court and gives us a hard time about it (about everything really). Our current visitation schedule for our NOW 8 year old is week over week. My husband and I would like to relocate back to Michigan because the humidity in the air is better for the kids lungs and skin, we have a ton of family that lives there, one of the best pediatric cardiologist is there and my husband can get a good steady job within a family owned business. I have offered my ex husband to do a 3 month/3 month split with our daughter. I suggested home schooling or an online face-to-face schooling so that whers ever she is, is not an issue. I also told him that I would waive child support which he currently pays over $500 a month for and he could claim her every year on his taxes. We would split the cost of her flights, and I also told him that we would work it out to make sure that she was with him for the holiday months. He has not yet given me an answer yet, but knowing him, he will not agree. My questions are: 1) Am I being unreasonable? 2) If I have to take him back to court what are my chances of actually getting what I am offering him? Because we don’t have a choice for the sake of our other kids health, I’m afraid im going to have to give in on a summer, winter break schedule and go from seeing her every other week to a couple times a year… it’s so hard. on How to Create a Legally Binding Long Distance Parenting Plan
  • Ron Haupt : I am currently finishing up on my divorce. My STBXW is a serial cheater and I finally realized I deserve better. We have 4 kids together ranging from 7 to 20. I have always been the primary caretaker for our kids and the one that took care of everything in and around the house. I literally did everything. She would work from 8 am to 2 am everyday. So it was always just the kids and me. I busted her and her cheating ass for the 3rd time I know of. Immediately after that she said she needed space and time. So we separated. Surprise, surprise she wants to be involved with the kids. But of course she does not do anything without her boyfriend and 4 of his kids. So her time with the kids always involves him and his boys. Never any alone time with kids. So I go from just the kids and me all day everyday to me only seeing them 3-4 times a week. I’ve been totally devastated by losing my wife of 18 years but also losing my time with the kids. So she was the breadwinner. I filed and pursued child support & alimony, what does she do? She resigns from her position and goes to casual hours to avoid paying me. With what she has done to me and our family I cannot be around her. I don’t even want to be within 500 miles of her and sparkle dick. I plan on moving almost 600 miles away and I am hoping that my youngest 2 kids want to come with. I need to move for my own health. I mean she wants kids she can take on 4 of his 5 kids and let me take my kids with me. It is a tough decision but one that I need to make. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Rachel Lundy : I am glad I have found this. I have been struggling alot here lately about my relationship with my son. It has been almost 2 years and all want is for him to know that I still love him so very much and thati didn’t leave because of him. The last year I have been in recovery and still facing multiple court dates. I have miissed 9n basketball and football games. Now he us strating baseball. I hate that i miss it. He is also having trouble in school and i dont know how to help. I wish i could be there for him so bably but i cant. Not right now and i hope he comes to understand all this . on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • heartbell : I have a very different situation as my x is a covert narcissist. When He moved, he sent me an email detailing all supposedly drama that he was dealing with at his job in my state, therefore, he took a transfer out of state. I really do not believe this is the reason – they were starting to learn how to drive and I was the sole person to help him no doubt. Considering all of the struggles I had mostly because of him lieing about what 40% is on his pay and also being conned by him before and after the D, I can’t understand why someone would think it’s ok to transfer out of state. BTW, he lived at his mother’s paid off house and I rented because my house sold under a short sale before my bankruptcy due to him. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Timothy jason Dawson : Hello, I have a 9 year old son, I left the state when he was 7, I had to get a job in Florida he lives in Arizona, I talk to him every night, I ask him how his day was?, what he ate?, what he learned in school?, What his favorite part of the day, what was his least part of the day? I get him during Summer break and we have a blast, it still kills me to not being him with everyday, his mom (my ex) makes it worse, sometimes she has him call me 15 minutes before he has to go to bed and tells me hi and bye, I pay child support and I send him money every paycheck, my son is my life. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Undecided : I am a not custodial parent with joint custody of my children. I have remarried and live with the 50 mile radius allowed by my divorce decree. My children are 14 and soon to be 17, youngest is my son and oldest is my daughter. & have been divorced now for 7 years but was separated for 4 years prior to that. My kids go back and forth between our homes and it is a rather crazy schedule as my ex is a police officer who works shifts. Our relationship is the say hi and socially exceptable in front of our children but otherwise toxic. My children’s father has been controlling since day one. I have no family in this area and my now husband was my high school sweetheart who I reconnected with 3 years ago. We both have family that are getting older and need our help. Where we presently live in the state of nj is difficult to make ends meet though we are we just don’t have the extras which we are both ok with. However my stress levels due to our crazy lives and living under the control of my ex, make living here a challenge. For every lesson I try to teach my kids about money and responsibility and self discipline all get thrown out the window. I know my ex loves our children but at the end of the day he is a narcissist. I am considering moving out of state and back home to be near family and opportunities that will allow me to provide better for my children. But I fear leaving for fear my ex will convince my children I am abandoning them. I need to take care of myself in an environment that will allow me to be a better mom and be able to do more for my kids. But o fear I am doing the wrong thing, because my children’s father will surely twist it that way. Am I being selfish? My children’s father loves his kids and provides for them and both my children love him dearly. But he and I near each other are a challenge like no other. My husband and I have only each other and no support system of family here to be there for us and for us to be able to be there for them as well. In my heart I feel my kids lives would be better without all the back and forth and being able to come and visit and me coming for visits. If it was at all possible I would want them to come with me, but he would never allow that ever. I just don’t know what to do and fell ashamed to be even thinking about moving somewhere where I could have a better life and be able to better provide for my kids and I know I would be a better mom. Thoughts? on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Sean : Sorry I just joined and read this today. You have to do what’s best for both you and your daughter in the long term. That means you have to pursue your dreams. Go for it. It won’t be easy but the fact that you are doing it for truly the right reasons will help you hold your course. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Mike : I am in a very similar situation and have been for some years now. I presently live a whole continent away from my two daughters and it really does hurt, however, they live in Italy and being a foreigner as it pertains to Italy, there just not any jobs. The Italian economy has been in crisis for like thirty years and so even if I was Italian, I would have a problem finding a job there. I do pay child support and try to contact my daughters at least once a week, but it seems that I still am looked at as a dead beat dad. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
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2 years ago

hi guys. im new here. i have 3 kids all under the age of 6 living abroad. i havent seen my kids in such a long time and every day this hurts me worse and worse. it literally kills my soul. my kids are in the Caribbean and i have to fly out to see them. i get the pictures and videos of all of them. i put on a brave face to everyone but it gets harder and harder to deal with. anybody else in a position of nearly 5000 miles from theirs? im scared that they will all… Read more »

11 months ago

I really need some advice. This is heavy on my heart and I can already feel the critisms coming from my family. My ex and I were not married 11 years ago when I got pregnant with our son. I had full custody, then when he started school he got full custody. I had to relocate to Alabama awhile he stayed in PA. We had an okay plan for me seeing our son. He relocated to FL with his wife, daughter, and our son. (Job transfer) he said if I move my family bc I married have a son and… Read more »