The comments sections of the posts on the site are always active with new comments from long distance parents. Reading through these can give an immediate sense of support from other long distance parents.  Getting involved in the conversation is even better! Commenting is easy and does not require a subscription. Although, if you’d like to get updates when someone replies, you can do that too!  Here are the most recent comments on the site.

 

  • Christie Morris : I’m sure glad to see I am not alone. My ex husband and I divorced in 2013. He took everything. The house, the kids and the money. Sadly I turned to alcohol to cope and ended up losing custody of my 2 girls. I went to rehab in 2016 and the biggest thing they stress is change your people, places and things. I had lost my job to to my alcohol abuse. When I got out of rehab I went back to my apartment and back to the same people. I relapsed for about 2 months and got evicted again. At that point I had nothing. My ex landlord would not let me get my stuff. So I put my tail between my legs and moved 3 hours away to my moms. Best decision I made for myself. I have been sober for 3 years now, own a home here and have a great job. I drive down every other Friday to get my girls. A total of 6.5 hours. Lately my 17 year old keeps making plans on my weekend and her Dad doesn’t side with me and tell her she has to come here. I just texted her and said do you work next Friday? She said I work all weekend so I don’t think I’m coming with you. Every time I call her out she says it’s not my fault you moved there. But mind you she never works on her dads weekends. I’m at my wits end with her. I gave her a credit card to use. She abuses it. I told her You cancel on me every time but you’ll come to Florida with me in August. Her response was cancel my ticket. I don’t know what to do anymore. Any advice? on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Dorn : Hi yeah i am a nin custodial father, the mother lives 4 hours away at her mothers with no car or drivers liscence. So not everyweekend but at least 2\3 i drive to see my daughter at her. Mothers mothers house. It is uncomftorble for me and deffinatly a pain in the xxx driving that far all the time, this weekend however i was helping a freind move and ran out of time to drive 8 hours in one day with no sleep so i decided to stay home. The mother felt the need to tell me that our daughter kept looking out the window saying “daddy upie daddy upie.. “ that really messed me up. Now im crying in the work truck. Im glad im not the only one to feel this... Thanks for reading on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Angel : What did you decide to do? I’m in the same boat on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Carrie : This one! https://www.facebook.com/groups/distanceparent/ on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Edward : Which FB group ? on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Nicole : Same boat as so many of you. My heart breaks every day being away from my kids, 14, 18, and 20. Twelve hours away. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Carrie : It can look selfish from the outside - but it's kind of selfless to face being apart from your kids in an effort to better support yourself and therefore your kids, with the caveat that you stay very involved in their lives. Being away from our kids is awful. There is no parent that faces that feeling great about it. But sometimes the need to do it is desperate too. I don't think you should be ashamed. I think this decision is a SUPER hard one for every long distance parent for exactly these reasons. Best of luck. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Carrie : It sounds reasonable. As for the chances of getting that in court, it kind of depends upon how well you can make the case for it, I think. California is not a stranger to long distance parenting but any judge will want to see a really compelling case for a move-away. It has to be more than your word on the air quality and lung issue etc. Have you considered consulting with an attorney to build the case? on How to Create a Legally Binding Long Distance Parenting Plan
  • Carrie : She might... she might not. At 16, they are basically making their own decisions, sometimes in spite of their parents. It sounds like she will have a lot to sort through in her life and she might come into and out of wanting closer or more distant relationships with either or both of you. I can relate very strongly to that, although my own history is a little different than hers. What I know is that kids always figure out the truth - so if the truth is that you love her and want the best for her, keep supporting her and loving her, even when, in her teenage haze, it seems like she isn't hearing you. And if the truth is that her dad is controlling and abusive, she will see that too, eventually. It is really hard going through the teen years when they are pulling away and becoming independent and harder still when there is another parent at a distance that they can go to. Keep showing her you love her and cross your fingers that you've done a great job parenting her. What you've taught her will stick. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Carrie : Hi! You are definitely not alone in this situation. That decision is one of the toughest decisions to make, and is super common among long distance parents - the decision between health and livelihood and the ability to live and thrive versus staying put where the kids are. My personal opinion is that if you aren't ok, you can't support your kids. And in order for you to be ok, you have to be able to support yourself financially, physically and emotionally. That's what makes many of us long distance parents. Those that judge you as a bad parent have never had to make that decision and have NO IDEA what you're facing. Shake it off. I once had a friend who TOTALLY condemned me as a bad mother for moving away from my child... and then a few years later, found themselves being a long distance parent and totally suddenly 'got it'. Seriously, let their feedback roll right off. If it's someone close to you, set a boundary with them. It is scary - but you aren't alone. Have you checked out the facebook group yet? on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Rayann : I just went through a long and extremely stressful situation with my ex and the courts(5/14/19). I spent all my savings, time and emotions, trying to convince the courts to allow me to move w/my 2 girls from MO. to TX. of course I was denied that. So now I have to move or stay. If I stay I won't have a place to live or a job, if I move I have a job that pays 30k more then I have ever made and a home but not my 5 and 7 yr old daughters. My ex is the type that goes by "my way or no way" the country, non educated kind. Since I don't have family, i didn't have any support or anyone to talk to. Some people I have told understand and some judge me as a bad mother. What do I do? On top of that I have a 10yr old daughter(father left when she was 2) who will be coming with me and seems okay with the situation but I feel horrible that she will be distant from her half sisters and viversa. Not eating, not sleeping, not able to focus on anything else, I feel like my world has exploded and I can't get it back together. As a mother of 3 girls, I have been the one to stay at home with each and take care of all the responsibilities of their school, doctors, and extracurricular activities, while working part time to help with the bills. My ex only came home to sleep and to see what bill's needed paid. He is and never was a family man, his relationship with the girls is if he has them he takes them to his mother's. It does hurt a little less knowing I'm not the only one going through this but with no family support for me, I am scared. Can anyone talk with me about this? Besides my 10yr old (who I have to stay happy and upbeat for) I'm alone in this world. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • msgs : I may be a long distant parent by no fault of my own. My ex-husband moved across country 4 years ago. We had been divorced about 6 months. He had never taken full advantage of his parenting time before he moved and didn't after he moved. He is down to seeing her once a year. I have done most of the parenting while we were married and all of it since he moved. My daughter is adopted and I begged him not to move. I knew it would have lasting ramifications. Well now she is 16 and she took his leaving hard. She has recently struggled with being adopted, abandonment, anxiety. She wants to move in with him thinking this will fix her problems. That his leaving messed her up so she feels she needs to live there to fix herself. I have encouraged them to facetime, call each other and for her father to use all the parenting time he has.But he doesnt. Forfeits the summer, spring break and Thanksgiving. So now I am not going to be able to see her, watch her finish high school and I am hurt, sad, scared, angry and worry how her not seeing me will affect her. I will let her go if she really really decides to but it is a gut wrenching situation. I didn't have a child to not raise her. When we divorced... he was abussive and a cheater... never did I think he would move so far away. Her dad and her new wife have no kids and have never had her very long. I am afraid she won't like their strict and controlling ways and they are very selfish and kids take time and money... they won't want to devote to her. Any experience with this? Grass is greener? Will she come back? on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Ashli : In February of 2014 my current husband and I moved from Michigan to California so that my ex husband could live with his girlfriend. At the time My ex husband and I shared custody of our two-year-old daughter and I felt she was too young to be flying back-and-forth multiple times a year or be away from either of us for any significant amount of time. So we made the move... Fast forward to present time, my husband and I have had 3 additional children with another one on the way. Two of our children suffer from health issues (involving heart issues, skin conditions and asthma issues) mostly related to where we live (the dry air and harvesting). They need to be somewhere the air is more moist so that their lungs are not working so hard all the time. It has also become financially very difficult to continue living here. However, anytime we try to relocate to another area my ex husband drags us back to court and gives us a hard time about it (about everything really). Our current visitation schedule for our NOW 8 year old is week over week. My husband and I would like to relocate back to Michigan because the humidity in the air is better for the kids lungs and skin, we have a ton of family that lives there, one of the best pediatric cardiologist is there and my husband can get a good steady job within a family owned business. I have offered my ex husband to do a 3 month/3 month split with our daughter. I suggested home schooling or an online face-to-face schooling so that whers ever she is, is not an issue. I also told him that I would waive child support which he currently pays over $500 a month for and he could claim her every year on his taxes. We would split the cost of her flights, and I also told him that we would work it out to make sure that she was with him for the holiday months. He has not yet given me an answer yet, but knowing him, he will not agree. My questions are: 1) Am I being unreasonable? 2) If I have to take him back to court what are my chances of actually getting what I am offering him? Because we don't have a choice for the sake of our other kids health, I'm afraid im going to have to give in on a summer, winter break schedule and go from seeing her every other week to a couple times a year... it's so hard. on How to Create a Legally Binding Long Distance Parenting Plan
  • Ron Haupt : I am currently finishing up on my divorce. My STBXW is a serial cheater and I finally realized I deserve better. We have 4 kids together ranging from 7 to 20. I have always been the primary caretaker for our kids and the one that took care of everything in and around the house. I literally did everything. She would work from 8 am to 2 am everyday. So it was always just the kids and me. I busted her and her cheating ass for the 3rd time I know of. Immediately after that she said she needed space and time. So we separated. Surprise, surprise she wants to be involved with the kids. But of course she does not do anything without her boyfriend and 4 of his kids. So her time with the kids always involves him and his boys. Never any alone time with kids. So I go from just the kids and me all day everyday to me only seeing them 3-4 times a week. I’ve been totally devastated by losing my wife of 18 years but also losing my time with the kids. So she was the breadwinner. I filed and pursued child support & alimony, what does she do? She resigns from her position and goes to casual hours to avoid paying me. With what she has done to me and our family I cannot be around her. I don’t even want to be within 500 miles of her and sparkle dick. I plan on moving almost 600 miles away and I am hoping that my youngest 2 kids want to come with. I need to move for my own health. I mean she wants kids she can take on 4 of his 5 kids and let me take my kids with me. It is a tough decision but one that I need to make. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Rachel Lundy : I am glad I have found this. I have been struggling alot here lately about my relationship with my son. It has been almost 2 years and all want is for him to know that I still love him so very much and thati didn't leave because of him. The last year I have been in recovery and still facing multiple court dates. I have miissed 9n basketball and football games. Now he us strating baseball. I hate that i miss it. He is also having trouble in school and i dont know how to help. I wish i could be there for him so bably but i cant. Not right now and i hope he comes to understand all this . on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • heartbell : I have a very different situation as my x is a covert narcissist. When He moved, he sent me an email detailing all supposedly drama that he was dealing with at his job in my state, therefore, he took a transfer out of state. I really do not believe this is the reason - they were starting to learn how to drive and I was the sole person to help him no doubt. Considering all of the struggles I had mostly because of him lieing about what 40% is on his pay and also being conned by him before and after the D, I can't understand why someone would think it's ok to transfer out of state. BTW, he lived at his mother's paid off house and I rented because my house sold under a short sale before my bankruptcy due to him. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Timothy jason Dawson : Hello, I have a 9 year old son, I left the state when he was 7, I had to get a job in Florida he lives in Arizona, I talk to him every night, I ask him how his day was?, what he ate?, what he learned in school?, What his favorite part of the day, what was his least part of the day? I get him during Summer break and we have a blast, it still kills me to not being him with everyday, his mom (my ex) makes it worse, sometimes she has him call me 15 minutes before he has to go to bed and tells me hi and bye, I pay child support and I send him money every paycheck, my son is my life. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Undecided : I am a not custodial parent with joint custody of my children. I have remarried and live with the 50 mile radius allowed by my divorce decree. My children are 14 and soon to be 17, youngest is my son and oldest is my daughter. & have been divorced now for 7 years but was separated for 4 years prior to that. My kids go back and forth between our homes and it is a rather crazy schedule as my ex is a police officer who works shifts. Our relationship is the say hi and socially exceptable in front of our children but otherwise toxic. My children’s father has been controlling since day one. I have no family in this area and my now husband was my high school sweetheart who I reconnected with 3 years ago. We both have family that are getting older and need our help. Where we presently live in the state of nj is difficult to make ends meet though we are we just don’t have the extras which we are both ok with. However my stress levels due to our crazy lives and living under the control of my ex, make living here a challenge. For every lesson I try to teach my kids about money and responsibility and self discipline all get thrown out the window. I know my ex loves our children but at the end of the day he is a narcissist. I am considering moving out of state and back home to be near family and opportunities that will allow me to provide better for my children. But I fear leaving for fear my ex will convince my children I am abandoning them. I need to take care of myself in an environment that will allow me to be a better mom and be able to do more for my kids. But o fear I am doing the wrong thing, because my children’s father will surely twist it that way. Am I being selfish? My children’s father loves his kids and provides for them and both my children love him dearly. But he and I near each other are a challenge like no other. My husband and I have only each other and no support system of family here to be there for us and for us to be able to be there for them as well. In my heart I feel my kids lives would be better without all the back and forth and being able to come and visit and me coming for visits. If it was at all possible I would want them to come with me, but he would never allow that ever. I just don’t know what to do and fell ashamed to be even thinking about moving somewhere where I could have a better life and be able to better provide for my kids and I know I would be a better mom. Thoughts? on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Sean : Sorry I just joined and read this today. You have to do what's best for both you and your daughter in the long term. That means you have to pursue your dreams. Go for it. It won't be easy but the fact that you are doing it for truly the right reasons will help you hold your course. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Mike : I am in a very similar situation and have been for some years now. I presently live a whole continent away from my two daughters and it really does hurt, however, they live in Italy and being a foreigner as it pertains to Italy, there just not any jobs. The Italian economy has been in crisis for like thirty years and so even if I was Italian, I would have a problem finding a job there. I do pay child support and try to contact my daughters at least once a week, but it seems that I still am looked at as a dead beat dad. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Keilah Machelle Gates : I feel you and have a similar situation with my ex-husband. He lives in Upstate NY and I live in North Florida. My 11yo son made the decision to stay with him to stay in school and with his friends up there and we refused to separate my 8yo daughter who has a disability from her brother. I moved to FL almost two years ago. I tried for 7 years to rough it in Upstate NY and originally being from FL it got to the point where I just couldn't do it anymore. There were no good jobs, I had no real support system, and the climate was inhospitable to say the least. He's actually looking to move further south too because of how hard life is up there. At first I was terrified and ashamed of my decision. I don't get to see them very much but luckily my ex and I have let go of all of our previous bullshit and are getting along and communicating for the well being of our children. That decision alone has made it so much better than it could be. Still, the stigma of being a mother so far from her children is ridiculous. I explain to the ones that I need to and avoid the question to those that I don't need to. I have explained that we left the decision up to our son and that my ex and I get along very well which is all true but they still end up looking confused at the very least. Don't even get me started on how empty life feels. From going from being a person who wipes noses, schedules doctors appointments, organizes closets, meals, comforts, hugs, and kisses your little one to just seeing them on a screen or hearing their voices through a device is so hard. No matter how connected you try your hardest to be you are still missing out on so much and it'll rip your heart out if you sit and think about it long enough. Even still, I am sure of my decision to move because by the time I left I was only a shell of who I could be for my kids through the struggle, pain, and loneliness I experienced up there. I have to keep reminding myself that it's better for them to have a whole mom even through distance than the sliver of a human they experienced up there. In all reality, I had no choice. I was done spiraling, I hit rock bottom. One day I will be able to explain it all to them. Till then I just want to do everything I can to let them know that I love them so much and they mean the world to me. Distance be damned. on The Firing Squad
  • John Dowling : My three daughters decided to go and live with their mom. I am a single father and have had joint custody of them. My oldest is 16 and my twins are 14. It’s such a hard time living in a house where every other week I had my children and now nothing. They say that they will visit often and still it is a sad ordeal. I know in 3 years my oldest will be able to be out on her own and 5 years my twins will do the same. on Missing my Daughter
  • Beth : I'm in a sticky situation to where I have no choice but to leave state, I am not even sure what my rights are. My son father is barely around but does pay childsupport (not through the court) because he does not want to be in the system..yet things have been difficult ever since I dropped majority of my night shifts for my son to do better in school which it worked, he has a learning disability and needs the extra care. Being I do not go through the courts I do not get much of things "state help" as others which also hurts my situation more. I've dropped out of college due to I have no one to help pick my son up from school if he is sick and so forth, Now involved with school truancy due to my father had high risk surgeries and I took the risk for my son being out of school for I could not get anyone to help pick him up. During the summer even the kids are mainly with me or my grandmother who helps watch them in the next city/his city, for sure he has one day off on the weekend which one would think you could pick your child up.. He is a dad but not a father if that makes since he toss the money but does not help raise him..I would say there is 30 days out of the year total he sees his son..I also receive my child support infront of our coworker's (which that's another story and no I don't have my job because of him lol) only time he even talks about his son is at work like a pride thing but can't even call during the week to ask how school is, I know he loves his son but he is more focused on work/sleeping and the bar. While I do everything, not once could I get him to take him at an appointment for me. Anywho now I am forced to move back into a one bedroom with my kids at my grandmother's because I have no where to go OR can move out of state with a long term friend and have a stable home, better job, be able to work during the day with someone helping with the kids. I fear for I know his pride would not let me move and 8 years I had raised our son by myself and it's not only our son but my daughter I need to look after as well and she only have me in this world. I know if I stay here in this state I will never be able to give my kids childhood friends to grow up with, a forever home and the life I have been trying so desperately to give them. To make matters worse if he denies me to leave, the state I am is not easy to be allowed to even move more than 55miles. I know he is not ready for the responsibility of raising our child, yet the fear he will take him for spite because in his eyes I will be the bad one and it will all be me..I'm broken apart and working on the guts to tell him once I go back to my grandmother's. I pray for there to be light. I do not want to leave my son however I can no longer survive on my own here and the pain can not be so real. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Amber : Has anyone heard of or done a year on, year off schedule? My step daughter moved to live with her mother in CA, dad and I live in OK. We were told about the year on year off schedule but want more information on it. I haven't been able to find much. on The Ingredients of A Long Distance Parenting Plan
  • Jordan : My ex wife is moving with our 3 month old across country. I’m signing an agreement for her to go just so she will drop a restraining order that she placed on me made up of lies. I have to do this or I will loose my job. There is a parenting time schedule in play but between airplane, hotel, rent a car and not knowing the area I truly know I will never get to see her. By the time my daughter is old enough to skype or whatever she won’t know who I am. Any advice on my situation. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • NewDad : thank ypu for the interesting perspective. I am currently in emotional turmoil because of a lose-lose choice i need to make. Option 1 is to be someplace where i am able to support my ageing newly widower father, has better economic opportunities, and where i am generally. But i would be forced to become a distant parent as my partner refuses to relocate, even for a short while (approx 2 years) while she is on matetnity leave. Option 2 it is remain in my current situation in a location that is not good for my mentail health, and with only small econom7c opportunities. But i would remain a presebt parent. Regardless im not sure how our relationship can survive. But i will do everything i can to be a positive presence in our child's life. on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Meredith : I'm in the same boat and have been looking for support too. I am thinking of moving away from my daughter's dad and his family because after eight years separated, there is still chronic tension between he and I. We've seen a co-parenting counselor for eight years (she's eight) and I met with her individually to ask her advice. It's as if he thrives on conflict with me and between he and my other ex, my son's dad, I felt like I was constantly pigeon-holed between them. Once mortal enemies, they "unified" against me this year. Anyway, it was the counselor's idea for me to move away. There comes a point where we have to take control of our lives and do what we can to be happy. It's a sacrifice now but parenting is a long term relationship. They'll understand sooner than later, they get it, kids are intuitive and understanding. And they love us! I plan on sending care packages and letters and photos often, calling, Skyping, etc, visiting, and then of course holidays and summers. It's a tough road especially as a mom. Everyone wants to judge, especially moms! But we have to do what we know to be true and right for us and for our kids in the long term. Amen, sister. I'm here for you! on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Carrie : Distance Parent : https://www.facebook.com/groups/distanceparent/ on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Maria Fernandez : Hi Carrie, what is the name of the facebook group if you dont mind me asking? on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not
  • Maria Fernandez : Hi Nicole, How was it when you visited your daughter? Was she happy every time? How was she over the phone when you spoke to her every day? Thank you! on What Long Distance Parenting Is and Is Not

1
Leave a Reply

Please Login to comment
avatar
1 Comment threads
0 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
1 Comment authors
alex Recent comment authors

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
alex
Member
alex

hi guys. im new here. i have 3 kids all under the age of 6 living abroad. i havent seen my kids in such a long time and every day this hurts me worse and worse. it literally kills my soul. my kids are in the Caribbean and i have to fly out to see them. i get the pictures and videos of all of them. i put on a brave face to everyone but it gets harder and harder to deal with. anybody else in a position of nearly 5000 miles from theirs? im scared that they will all… Read more »

Close Menu