I was trolling the net for long distance parenting stuff and I ran across this gem : Instructions and Guidance for your Long Distance Parenting Plan by the 6th Judicial Circuit Court of Florida, Family Law Division.

It’s a really great rundown of the stuff to consider in creating a long distance parenting plan including a good list of links to other resources as well as to sample parenting plans including important aspects of long distance parenting such as travel arrangements.

It wasn’t so long ago that a ‘long distance parenting plan’ was unheard of and long distance parents were considered deadbeats by default and automatically discounted in their efforts to maintain relationships with their kids. Kudos to this court for being proactive in their effort to help these situations be easier and healthier to all involved.

When someone tells me they are getting a divorce and the other parent will be getting physical custody of the child(ren), there is one piece of advice I always give them. It is : Make your parenting plan EXACTLY what you want no matter how wonderful your relationship with the other parent is right now, no matter how idealistic your views of co-parenting may be… plan for the worst.

My ex and I split quite peacefully. There was some pain and hurt – but we were friends. We wanted our son to always have both parents. We wanted to cooperate and co-parent even though we were separated. We had a verbal agreement and even went so far as to take it to an attorney to make it official (we thought “WOW… that’s a stretch… make it legal?! We don’t need to do all that, do we?”).

Then his mother and then, girlfriend got involved. Oddly, the attorney disappeared along with the written agreement. Suddenly, he simply was not going to give me my son, as we had agreed. He filed for divorce again, this time claiming abandonment. That was, of course, overturned and we went through the legal process and got a parenting plan in place. I fought tooth and nail to get stuff into the parenting plan that we had previously agreed upon. Things he had ASSURED me he thought were in the best interest of our son only months before.

Later, once everything was… (More)

Rick Ortiz posted an interesting article about virtual visitation that I presume is by Richard Coffee. Unfortunately, between the two captcha systems, I couldn’t get my comment to post. So here is a response to the article.

You raise very legitimate points that I think every parent should consider when creating a long distance parenting plan. However, many, if not all, of these concerns can be addressed with proper planning prior to creating a parenting plan that includes virtual visitation.

Although abuse of long distance parenting plans may occur, there is no more risk of that than with any other parenting arrangement. Just like abuse or violations in the parenting agreement of a non-long distance situation, violations of a long distance parenting plan can and should be pursued through the courts. As someone who has taken care of such violations in court, I am quite certain that a parent’s rights to visitation, no matter the means, or not to be otherwise alienated from their child are respected by any judge.

Again, as a parent who has been on both sides of the long distance parenting relationship – that of the custodial and the non-custodial parent, I can personally attest to the fact that virtual visitation is a wonderful supplement to a long distance parenting relationship and that all of these concerns can be addressed in a well written parenting plan. That said, as you point out, it is not an adequate substitution to in-person parenting time.

The start of the school year is upon us! Did you know that it is federal law (The Family Educational Rights and Privacy act) that, unless a court specifically prohibits it, the school HAS to release information about the student to both parents? Both parents are entitled to report cards, progress reports, field trip information, parent teacher conferences etc.

At the beginning of the school year, you should send a letter to the school introducing yourself and giving them any updated contact information. To encourage schools who might not have experience with including distance parents, specifically request the type of involvement you want. Along with your letter, you should include several SASEs so that the school does not have to consider the cost in keeping you involved. You should also include the first page of your custody agreement where the custody of the child is explained in brief.

Just before the school year starts, call the school and get your child’s teacher’s name and the best way to contact them. If your child is in the early grades or there is any other reason to be concerned about how your child will do in the class, contact the teacher and introduce yourself and request a start-of-the-year conference to go over how the class works and what will be required of your child. During this conference, relay any concerns you have.

The following is the letter I used.

Hopefully, non-custodial parents will pick up and follow their children to this new place that offers them so much more. If that’s not possible, like in my case or in the case of so many others, you learn to be a long distance parent.