Having recently (within the last year or so) become a long distance parent, I’ve done some considerable reading on how best to maintain a relationship with my daughter and cope with the multitude of emotions involved. Of all of the advice I’ve read, perhaps the most important thing is to have a strong support system and someone you can talk to. I’m extremely fortunate to have just that and an amazing partner in my girlfriend. I wrote the below to her, but wanted to share:

My Dearest :

As I type this, I’m sitting at about 30,000 feet or so, on my fourth flight of the day since the alarm went off at the ungodly hour of 3:40 a.m. I was fortunate enough to catch an earlier flight, so I’ll be home about 4 hours sooner than originally anticipated. I miss you and I’m anxious to see you after a long weary day of travel.

As you know, I had to take Allie home today, and while the 4,000-or-so frequent flier miles in a 16 hr span are nice, they sure take their toll and I’m tired and emotionally drained right now. Flights 3 and 4 have been lonely, without the excitement of travelling with my little sidekick, but they give me plenty of time to think (aren’t we always pining for some down time? – nothing like a solid day of air travel to make me careful what we wish for!).

… (More)

The other day I got a very short email, simply:

                “Any ideas for you and Allie for Christmas?  What’s she into?  Love, Mom” 

I closed out of the innocuous and harmless request for ideas and started to feel a little choked up and sad.  Truth be told, I guess I kind of know what Allie is into.  I mean, Barbies and princesses and all of the other stuff that 4 year old girls play with, right?  I guess I had a moment (okay, maybe more than just a moment) of feeling like a pretty lousy dad.  When it comes down to it, I guess I don’t really know what it is that my daughter is really into right now.  Humbly, I fired off a text message to her mother to ask for a few ideas.  Needless to say, I was pretty in the dark about some of the stuff that came back (really, a drum set??).

                In the few conversations that I get with my daughter we talk about school, about playing with her friends, what she’s up to at that given moment, and about how much we love and miss each other.  I guess it never really dawned on me to ask her what she’s playing with, what she watches on TV or what books she reads.  I know that the last time I saw her, over the summer on… (More)

To Whom it Really Doesn’t Concern,

                I’m sorry if you somehow felt uncomfortable that I smiled and said “hi” to your little girl while as we crossed paths the other evening.  Yeah, I’m the early-30-something guy walking up and down the aisles of the local grocery store, alone with my list in hand, but I assure you I’m no freak.  I couldn’t help but notice that you grabbed your daughter and pulled her close to you as you turned the corner to head to Aisle 6, casting a critical eye in my direction.  I can’t help but wonder if you’d react the same way if I had my own little girl hanging off of my shopping cart at the time.  You see, it might not look like it but I, too, am a Daddy.  And while I might not be able to throw my little princess in the car to run errands save for a few agreed upon times a year, it doesn’t mean that I’m some crazed nut for simply wanting to make your daughter smile and being polite.  I relish that feeling of hanging out, doing nothing in particular, and just enjoying that father-daughter bond.  I miss it frequently and I’m quite envious of you who may or may not even take it for granted.  But please don’t cast me aside as bizarre for simply being alone and friendly.

                And to you, Mr.… (More)

“She’s just 4 years old.  Don’t take it personally.” 

This is what I’m often reminded, by my girlfriend, my mom and even myself, at least a few times per week.  And deep down, I know that they’re right.  I shouldn’t take offense to the fact that my little princess doesn’t really like to talk on the phone, she really is just 4.  I suppose it’s partly my fault for blocking my work calendar at 3:30 pm every day, to take the elevator downstairs and out front of my office building, to try to call her, knowing that this is the time of day that she should be riding home from daycare (she’s two time zones “ahead” of me), in the back of her mom’s car, presumably with nothing better to do than chat with me.  You’d think sooner or later I’d realize that with a 1-out-of-5-or-so success rate of her actually answering the phone to take my call, that my expectations would be appropriately set and I’d call less frequently, or at least I’d wait for her to call me.  But no, like a teenage boy with a high school crush, I make the trek down the elevator every single work day at the same time, only to find myself making a 180-degree turn right back up to the 6th floor, just a couple of minutes later, 80% of the time.

Such is the current state of my… (More)

… AND.. from our Facebook Group, Matthew answered the call for guest bloggers! I’m thrilled to have a long distance dad give his perspective on the experience.

Matthew recently began his long distance parenting arrangement with his four year old daughter after relocating to the Los Angeles area earlier this year. He is learning to navigate the emotional difficulties and challenges in trying to maintain a relationship and stay involved with such a young daughter, while embarking upon a whole new life out West.

Welcome, Matthew! It will be exciting to see more of a dad’s perspective around here.