When my son is here with me, there are a bunch of shows on hulu that we like to watch together. He snuggles up to me (don’t tell him I told you that) and we get into the show together. He anticipates what shows will be on when and we don’t watch the ones we both like until we can watch them together.

Yesterday, during internet visitation, I suggested we watch one of our shows together. In retrospect, I’m not sure why I never thought of that before. We picked out a show and synchronized pushing play. After each commercial break, because commercials are kind of random and we had different commercials, we’d pause until we were both ready to push play again.

We could laugh at the same times, he could ask questions, we could comment on what was happening. It was almost.. ALMOST like we were right there together again.

In the beginning of my long distance parenting arrangement, my son’s father and I agreed to split air fare in half with his half not to exceed a certain amount. This went into our long distance parenting plan.

However, if that’s not possible, in California, travel cost associated with the children becomes a credit in the child support calculation. In our case, since we split the travel, it’s a wash but if you can’t split the cost of travel, check with your state on how that can factor into child support.

It is a sad but often true scenario. The non-custodial parent moves away and the custodial parent gets angry. Not that non-custodial parents NEVER get angry. They do. But there are a few pretty typical perspectives in a moveaway that breeds resentment. From the perspective of the custodial parent, you are escaping. You get freedom. You have options they don’t have. They are tied down. They have all of the responsibility. You have none. Gah! I know. I know that isn’t necessarily the case. I know it might not be true. But if you can TRY to understand that perspective, you’ll be a whole lot closer to defusing difficult situations.

That said, very often, long distance parents and custodial parents find themselves on the other side of smear campaigns both legal and towards their own children (Parental Alienation Syndrome). And while custodial parents might ALSO find themselves the subject of similar situations, in the case of a non-custodial parent, these campaigns can very often cost them custody, visitation and involvement in their child’s life and even their relationship with their own kids.

To avoid the worst case scenario, non-custodial and long distance parents need to be on their A game. They have to be proactive and they have to know HOW to prove that they aren’t the monster they are made out to be.

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Last night, as my son and I sat at the counter nomming strawberries, we were talking about him writing his first words (‘dog’, ‘god’, and ‘no’) and I was able to relate the story to him about his first written words and how proud he was of them. He was 4 when he wrote them and he wrote them in a chat window during internet visitation with me. Now 11, he giggled and asked for more details. in the same way he’s asked about his first steps or for me to tell him about how I met his dad. It’s a memory just like all the rest – even though it happened over internet chat during a time when I couldn’t be there with him.

Seven years ago, I wrote this post about experiencing my son’s firsts via webcam. I’d completely forgotten that I’d blogged about it, as I was having that conversation last night with my son. But in re-reading the post, I remember how ecstatic I was that I got to witness a ‘first’ (and got screen prints!) even though I was far away. I remember how MUCH I needed those small moments to reassure me that I was still connected with him and that our relationship was meaningful.

My son was only 5 at the time. In kindergarten. I remember having that ‘ideal’ picture in my mind of what the perfect long distance situation would be like. He’d look forward to talking to me and… (More)

I have a section of the site devoted to long distance parenting products and books that I think are awesome. I’m interested in knowing what YOU think is awesome though.

What products do you use (webcam, cell phone apps etc) that make your long distance parenting experience easier or better?
What books have you read that gave you ideas, hope or information?
What websites do you frequent that help you with long distance parenting?
What do YOU recommend for other long distance parents?
Leave a comment on the website or the facebook page or drop me an email.