I read it because I needed something, anything that would help me connect with him in a different way. I was struggling against pre-adolescent angst mixed with valid fear and anger from him that seemed so compounded that I had no idea how to tackle it. After reading, I came away with a completely changed perspective on kids, growing up and parenting that has changed the way our family works and has fundamentally changed the way I parent him and ultimately, his childhood and his life – for the better.

The premise of the book is that when a child experiences a traumatic incident (which might even be something relatively minor, in adult eyes), they essentially go into fight or flight mode and resort to behaviors that help them survive. They don’t listen because they can’t – they are focused on getting through the conversation. They don’t do what they should and they often do what they shouldn’t – because their motivation for acting is not what their parent has said – but what they feel they need to do in order to get through. They essentially spend most of their time in… (More)

I was looking on google for a forum for long distance parents. Over the past 3 months I have been slowly adjusting to a new life thousands of miles from my son. I am English and have recently moved back to the UK from South America where my son lives with his mum.

I feel desperately sad at times. I worry a lot about my very nearly 4 year old son. From the sounds of it, he is quite depressed at times, biting his nails a lot. I am seeking a community because last night I got a quite upset email from his mum telling me that at the moment things are especially hard. My son had his last day at nursery this week – another loss for him.

I make some kind of contact with him every day, either through Skype, telephone or by sending a little email with some pictures. I find these things help me, and sometimes my son seems to like them too. Sometimes I think Skype frustrates him a lot. While reading a picture book to him the other day he said to me ‘you can’t read it properly when you’re not here’.

Generally I find reading and books to be a good way of connecting. I try to make our Skype sessions fun, if that… (More)

I guess lately, I’ve felt that I can’t add too much of that hopeful outlook, as I’ve been struggling as my little girl has started Kindergarten, and that changed the dynamic quite a bit for me.  I still try to call her every single day (my work Outlook Calendar is still blocked for 30 minutes every afternoon for the task).  But more and more phone calls go unanswered.  More and more text messages go unreturned.  Each unreciprocated attempt feels like another kick in the gut, to the point where I have come to not expect a connection, but rather that vacant sound of the generic voicemail voice, prompting me, yet again, to leave a message – a message that I’ll inevitably wonder if my little girl ever heard, or paid too much attention to, in light of all else that is going on in her life; a life that I feel more and more distanced from.

I don’t want to paint a portrait of desperation or despair.  As mentioned, I’ve come to… (More)

When I agreed to move to my ex-wife’s hometown 10 years ago, I did so with an open mind and a sense of adventure. We had just gotten married and were leaving behind a lot of stress and strain. For one thing, we both worked in downtown Washington, DC, and the horror of 9/11 was fresh in our minds. For another, we had just survived a nightmare scenario, in which my whole extended family went to war with us over our wedding plans, which were apparently not in line with their highfalutin standards. The idea of raising our family in a tidy little New England village near the ocean seemed quite seductive at the time. I would find a job, and she would stay home and raise… (More)