Comments on: Get the Support You Need http://distanceparent.org/day-in-the-life/get-the-support-you-need/ Long distance parents and their kids. Tue, 17 Jan 2012 16:08:41 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: andrea http://distanceparent.org/day-in-the-life/get-the-support-you-need/#comment-5689 andrea Sun, 09 Jan 2011 02:57:01 +0000 http://distanceparent.org/wp/index.php/archives/68#comment-5689 I sure do feel for you, danielle. I have a sister who is the opposite and is angry with me because I chose NOT to give up my children and return back home to where all of my family is. Actually, I am in the process of considering it BUT for the reason that I have a grown daughter and new grandbaby that frankly, I really dont know (I do have a great relationship with my grown daughter). I have been alone up here where I got divorced for 7 years and I am homesick in the worst way and I am on the welfare system and that is something that I didnt have to do back home. My litle ones are at the age where I feel they would understand if I went back home. My X is offering for me to do up a plan where I can see them as often as I reasonably can. I am considering it because I have been in such deep depression for so many years now and there is nobody here-nobody. My little ones are here and when they go on visits to their dad, I sink. I miss my home, my siblings, my daughter and want to know my new grandbaby, and the big thing is that if I keep things the way they are now, then my little ones here would only get to see their oldest sister about at the most 1 week per year. If I did go back home, they would be able to stay 2-3 months out the year not counting the holidays, so that is something to consider also. Between webcam, phone calls and fre I sure do feel for you, danielle. I have a sister who is the opposite and is angry with me because I chose NOT to give up my children and return back home to where all of my family is. Actually, I am in the process of considering it BUT for the reason that I have a grown daughter and new grandbaby that frankly, I really dont know (I do have a great relationship with my grown daughter). I have been alone up here where I got divorced for 7 years and I am homesick in the worst way and I am on the welfare system and that is something that I didnt have to do back home. My litle ones are at the age where I feel they would understand if I went back home. My X is offering for me to do up a plan where I can see them as often as I reasonably can. I am considering it because I have been in such deep depression for so many years now and there is nobody here-nobody. My little ones are here and when they go on visits to their dad, I sink. I miss my home, my siblings, my daughter and want to know my new grandbaby, and the big thing is that if I keep things the way they are now, then my little ones here would only get to see their oldest sister about at the most 1 week per year. If I did go back home, they would be able to stay 2-3 months out the year not counting the holidays, so that is something to consider also. Between webcam, phone calls and fre

]]> By: Danielle http://distanceparent.org/day-in-the-life/get-the-support-you-need/#comment-5292 Danielle Tue, 29 Dec 2009 04:02:42 +0000 http://distanceparent.org/wp/index.php/archives/68#comment-5292 I do feel guilt. I think society conditions us to feel that, less so for men. I know what I am doing is best for me and the future and I stay strong and true to that. I believe that the future can and will be better. I find that being forgiving and, as you said, releasing it, sets me free. From there I am free to deal with my self, my feelings and deal with my children in a loving and supportive way. Still, it's hard.... I choose not to spend christmas with my children because they ( and their father) were spending a few days with my parents. When I told my mother I was planning on coming down to be with my children, she told me "not to bother" and to do her a "favor" and "stay" where I was. I thought that it was better to avoid a fight and allow my children to enjoy their time with their grandparents. My daughter told me that they had a lot of fun but that my mother told her that I "wasn't invited to join them because of my attidude". It was very very hard to bite my tongue and smile and tell her how glad I was that she has fun. I hope that being loving, kind, firm and patient will be the answer and in the end, I am only concerned about my children and myself and have choosen to forget everyone else. I do feel guilt. I think society conditions us to feel that, less so for men. I know what I am doing is best for me and the future and I stay strong and true to that. I believe that the future can and will be better. I find that being forgiving and, as you said, releasing it, sets me free. From there I am free to deal with my self, my feelings and deal with my children in a loving and supportive way.
Still, it’s hard…. I choose not to spend christmas with my children because they ( and their father) were spending a few days with my parents. When I told my mother I was planning on coming down to be with my children, she told me “not to bother” and to do her a “favor” and “stay” where I was. I thought that it was better to avoid a fight and allow my children to enjoy their time with their grandparents. My daughter told me that they had a lot of fun but that my mother told her that I “wasn’t invited to join them because of my attidude”. It was very very hard to bite my tongue and smile and tell her how glad I was that she has fun.
I hope that being loving, kind, firm and patient will be the answer and in the end, I am only concerned about my children and myself and have choosen to forget everyone else.

]]> By: Carrie http://distanceparent.org/day-in-the-life/get-the-support-you-need/#comment-5291 Carrie Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:44:26 +0000 http://distanceparent.org/wp/index.php/archives/68#comment-5291 First, I would address how YOU feel about being a long distance mom. If you don't feel shame or guilt, it's harder for them to make you feel badly. That said, there is really little else that can be done other than to use every experience as a learning experience. For instance, if they say something nasty, rather than reacting, Take a few deep breaths and relax, try to relate to where they are coming from... then just release it. Just let it go. It's not your anger and bitterness.. it's theirs. Let them marinate in their own grossness. :) Relax, relate, release. :) Kids are really smart. Yes, a long distance parents are easily undermined because they aren't RIGHT THERE. They get away with more with the other parent, maybe. But eventually, in hind sight, the only things a kid sees is how they feel about a particular parent. If you are honest, firm and loving with them, that is supportive and positive for them and they will feel it. Pick your battles. CHOOSE not to get wound up about the small stuff and decide what's REALLY a big stuff and what's REALLY a small stuff. First, I would address how YOU feel about being a long distance mom. If you don’t feel shame or guilt, it’s harder for them to make you feel badly.

That said, there is really little else that can be done other than to use every experience as a learning experience. For instance, if they say something nasty, rather than reacting, Take a few deep breaths and relax, try to relate to where they are coming from… then just release it. Just let it go. It’s not your anger and bitterness.. it’s theirs. Let them marinate in their own grossness. :) Relax, relate, release. :)

Kids are really smart. Yes, a long distance parents are easily undermined because they aren’t RIGHT THERE. They get away with more with the other parent, maybe. But eventually, in hind sight, the only things a kid sees is how they feel about a particular parent. If you are honest, firm and loving with them, that is supportive and positive for them and they will feel it. Pick your battles. CHOOSE not to get wound up about the small stuff and decide what’s REALLY a big stuff and what’s REALLY a small stuff.

]]> By: Danielle http://distanceparent.org/day-in-the-life/get-the-support-you-need/#comment-5290 Danielle Tue, 15 Dec 2009 00:28:01 +0000 http://distanceparent.org/wp/index.php/archives/68#comment-5290 I agree. Being judged is the worst part. My own family has disowned me because of my choice to move away. It is painful to miss my children, even more painful to realize that my family thinks that I am not worried or concerned about my kids. I am grow more and more angry every day about this. How do I deal with my resentment toward my family and parent my children long distance? I also feel that when my kids are around my family, I am under-minded by my family. They eluded that I am a horrible mother and pour pity on my children. I don't think that helps me or them. I agree. Being judged is the worst part. My own family has disowned me because of my choice to move away. It is painful to miss my children, even more painful to realize that my family thinks that I am not worried or concerned about my kids. I am grow more and more angry every day about this. How do I deal with my resentment toward my family and parent my children long distance? I also feel that when my kids are around my family, I am under-minded by my family. They eluded that I am a horrible mother and pour pity on my children. I don’t think that helps me or them.

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