Comments for The Long Distance Parent http://distanceparent.org Long distance parents and their kids. Tue, 17 Jan 2012 16:08:41 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 Comment on When The Custodial Parent Blocks Telephone Communication with the Kids by Carrie http://distanceparent.org/legalities/when-the-custodial-parent-blocks-telephone-communication-with-the-kids/#comment-8441 Carrie Tue, 17 Jan 2012 16:08:41 +0000 http://distanceparent.org/?p=163#comment-8441 What you are describing is inappropriate behavior for either the custodial or non custodial parent.  I'm not an attorney and I can't give you legal advice. That said, in order to do anything, you first have to have proof that it's happening.  Document it, collect proof.  Then either follow up by pursuing custody or visitation changes through your custody case, or if there is an imminent threat, with your local police department.   I wouldn't advise blocking his calls unless you've gone to court to ask the judge if that is ok.  The post you are responding to is about exactly that situation.  Blocking the non custodial parent's access to the kids is not legal unless a judge has said it's ok - nor is it necessarily good for the kids.   What you are describing is inappropriate behavior for either the custodial or non custodial parent.  I’m not an attorney and I can’t give you legal advice. That said, in order to do anything, you first have to have proof that it’s happening.  Document it, collect proof.  Then either follow up by pursuing custody or visitation changes through your custody case, or if there is an imminent threat, with your local police department.  

I wouldn’t advise blocking his calls unless you’ve gone to court to ask the judge if that is ok.  The post you are responding to is about exactly that situation.  Blocking the non custodial parent’s access to the kids is not legal unless a judge has said it’s ok – nor is it necessarily good for the kids.  

]]> Comment on When The Custodial Parent Blocks Telephone Communication with the Kids by Rebecca http://distanceparent.org/legalities/when-the-custodial-parent-blocks-telephone-communication-with-the-kids/#comment-8440 Rebecca Tue, 17 Jan 2012 02:32:21 +0000 http://distanceparent.org/?p=163#comment-8440 So what happens when the only form of communication is via phone but their father keeps bashing me (our kids Mother) every time he calls!? he tells me to die, says vulgar things to me through the kids. I keep documenting the phone calls and i've asked him to stop several times via email so its documented but he keeps doing it. I want to block him and not answer his calls anymore. Is that legal? Our kids are 17months and 2-1/2. It's crazy. He thinks im not giving the kids the phone. They're too young to talk on the phone but they understand it's their father on the phone. I never say a bad word about him to them. They'll figure it out on their own. What are MY rights to protect myself and the kids? So what happens when the only form of communication is via phone but their father keeps bashing me (our kids Mother) every time he calls!? he tells me to die, says vulgar things to me through the kids. I keep documenting the phone calls and i’ve asked him to stop several times via email so its documented but he keeps doing it. I want to block him and not answer his calls anymore. Is that legal? Our kids are 17months and 2-1/2. It’s crazy. He thinks im not giving the kids the phone. They’re too young to talk on the phone but they understand it’s their father on the phone. I never say a bad word about him to them. They’ll figure it out on their own. What are MY rights to protect myself and the kids?

]]> Comment on Adjustment Period by Gillian http://distanceparent.org/day-in-the-life/adjustment-period/#comment-8436 Gillian Fri, 16 Dec 2011 01:19:33 +0000 http://distanceparent.org/?p=453#comment-8436 I was so pleased to find this website. I am not a long distance parent, but it is something that my boyfriend of 3 years, who lives in the UK (I'm in LA), and I have been discussing on his part. He has been embroiled in a nasty custody battle for the last 2 years and it doesn't look like things will get any better. His daughter is 4 1/2 and he has, basically, never been given permission by his ex to have a true relationship with her. In fact, he has NEVER spent any time alone with his daughter, but instead sees her every Saturday for 2 hours with his ex present (his daughter lives 3 1/2 hours away from him, so he drives 7 hours every Saturday for this 2 hour visit). Suffice it to say, his daughter and he do not have a loving, independent relationship with one another. He sends me videos from his weekly visits, and he is merely an observer of 2 hours of his daughter's life...she doesn't interact with him much, no matter how hard he tries. We are at a point where we need to take the long distance element of OUR relationship out of the mix, and the ONLY thing that would make the UK our choice (he loves LA and thinks he could have a much better quality of life here, and I wholeheartedly agree) is, understandably, his daughter. This is his decision to make, and, while I make my opinions known, I make it very clear that the choice is his...I cannot imagine the resentment that would build if I was "to blame" for him leaving the UK. The fact of the matter is, in LA, both of our earning potentials are higher (I'm a California licensed attorney), we have an enormous support system of family and friends (he does not have a support system in the UK and is not particularly close to his parents), and opportunities for us and our future children are better than in the UK. I am not a parent, so I have appreciated having the opportunity to read articles and comments on this site. I'm especially grateful for Matthew's articles. I feel that my partner could have a higher quality, more memorable and influential relationship with his daughter from LA than he does right now. Obviously, some of this would require his ex working with him, which has always been the obstacle, but perhaps not having to see him every weekend would be a relief to her. I never thought I would think long distance parenting was the answer, but how much do you sacrifice of your own happiness and growth for 2, supervised hours a week with your child? Thank you all for the articles! I was so pleased to find this website. I am not a long distance parent, but it is something that my boyfriend of 3 years, who lives in the UK (I’m in LA), and I have been discussing on his part. He has been embroiled in a nasty custody battle for the last 2 years and it doesn’t look like things will get any better. His daughter is 4 1/2 and he has, basically, never been given permission by his ex to have a true relationship with her. In fact, he has NEVER spent any time alone with his daughter, but instead sees her every Saturday for 2 hours with his ex present (his daughter lives 3 1/2 hours away from him, so he drives 7 hours every Saturday for this 2 hour visit). Suffice it to say, his daughter and he do not have a loving, independent relationship with one another. He sends me videos from his weekly visits, and he is merely an observer of 2 hours of his daughter’s life…she doesn’t interact with him much, no matter how hard he tries.
We are at a point where we need to take the long distance element of OUR relationship out of the mix, and the ONLY thing that would make the UK our choice (he loves LA and thinks he could have a much better quality of life here, and I wholeheartedly agree) is, understandably, his daughter. This is his decision to make, and, while I make my opinions known, I make it very clear that the choice is his…I cannot imagine the resentment that would build if I was “to blame” for him leaving the UK. The fact of the matter is, in LA, both of our earning potentials are higher (I’m a California licensed attorney), we have an enormous support system of family and friends (he does not have a support system in the UK and is not particularly close to his parents), and opportunities for us and our future children are better than in the UK.
I am not a parent, so I have appreciated having the opportunity to read articles and comments on this site. I’m especially grateful for Matthew’s articles. I feel that my partner could have a higher quality, more memorable and influential relationship with his daughter from LA than he does right now. Obviously, some of this would require his ex working with him, which has always been the obstacle, but perhaps not having to see him every weekend would be a relief to her. I never thought I would think long distance parenting was the answer, but how much do you sacrifice of your own happiness and growth for 2, supervised hours a week with your child?
Thank you all for the articles!

]]> Comment on Adjustment Period by Chris http://distanceparent.org/day-in-the-life/adjustment-period/#comment-8433 Chris Fri, 09 Dec 2011 22:48:56 +0000 http://distanceparent.org/?p=453#comment-8433 Yes this post is bittersweet, because we in these circumstances can relate to others, and to be reminded how painful it is. I am so sorry to hear of the continued difficulty. But what else is there really? It doesn't get easier. In fact, as our children grow and their lives take shape, we miss out on more and more. I have shared my story with the author here; I live in Colorado while my son lives in Germany. 1500 miles, or a few states away sounds like a dream. I also find myself competing with his new step-daddy ("my other daddy") which drives me absolutely bonkers! Not kidding - this is beyond insult. It's a science fiction movie, where the real dad has been replaced by a pseudo dad, and I have to watch it all take place. Anyway, please know that we all share in your pain, we all feel the sting of your words, we are all among the walking-wounded. We, an obscure community of estranged distance parents, missing out on the fleeting years of our children. Please stay strong! Sometimes I am beside myself with pain and angst, it never goes away. Thank you for sharing your feelings, it is a balance between privacy and connection. Yes this post is bittersweet, because we in these circumstances can relate to others, and to be reminded how painful it is. I am so sorry to hear of the continued difficulty. But what else is there really? It doesn’t get easier. In fact, as our children grow and their lives take shape, we miss out on more and more. I have shared my story with the author here; I live in Colorado while my son lives in Germany. 1500 miles, or a few states away sounds like a dream. I also find myself competing with his new step-daddy (“my other daddy”) which drives me absolutely bonkers! Not kidding – this is beyond insult. It’s a science fiction movie, where the real dad has been replaced by a pseudo dad, and I have to watch it all take place.

Anyway, please know that we all share in your pain, we all feel the sting of your words, we are all among the walking-wounded. We, an obscure community of estranged distance parents, missing out on the fleeting years of our children. Please stay strong! Sometimes I am beside myself with pain and angst, it never goes away. Thank you for sharing your feelings, it is a balance between privacy and connection.

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