Comments for The Long Distance Parent http://distanceparent.org Long distance parents and their kids. Sun, 15 Apr 2012 01:58:53 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 Comment on The Effect of Long Distance Parenting (and visitation) on Children by Justin http://distanceparent.org/day-in-the-life/the-effect-of-long-distance-parenting-and-visitation-on-children/#comment-8480 Justin Sun, 15 Apr 2012 01:58:53 +0000 http://distanceparent.org/?p=248#comment-8480 Thanks for the post Carrie.  I am about to begin a transatlantic distance parenting situation with my daughter of seven and son of five, Im going through divorce now with my wife,  My son is a smart cookie and seems to have figured out on his own before we discussed with kids,,, he specifically says how he wishes I  stay, very heart breaking, I dont know how to respond beyond saying to him that I always live him.  .  In the long run I think my move , fro us to uk related to my job, and potential quality long idistance relationship will be better for kids given the previous conflict and verbal abuse cycle I faced in the marriage, my wife is a good person and will likely help on her end setting up webcm and such until kids can....we just did not function in a marriage in way that allowed basic mutual respect or descent model for kids.  Thus far we have told the kids that I'm moving for my job, which I think is insufficient, but my wife doesn't seem to want to agree to tell them that we mutually couldn't get along.   I'd be interested to hear anyone's thought on how to explain to kids why I am moving, given that I am choosing to, and yet help them see that I love them and wish I could be with thm in person all the time.  In a sense I'd like to not make too big a deal about it and try to transition to long distance relationship without a big hoopla, but it is a big deal , and I want them to not feel abandoned, and I do feel very guilty for leaving, and I worry I am unrealistic about how good the long distance relationship can be. Thanks for the post Carrie.  I am about to begin a transatlantic distance parenting situation with my daughter of seven and son of five, Im going through divorce now with my wife,  My son is a smart cookie and seems to have figured out on his own before we discussed with kids,,, he specifically says how he wishes I  stay, very heart breaking, I dont know how to respond beyond saying to him that I always live him.  .  In the long run I think my move , fro us to uk related to my job, and potential quality long idistance relationship will be better for kids given the previous conflict and verbal abuse cycle I faced in the marriage, my wife is a good person and will likely help on her end setting up webcm and such until kids can….we just did not function in a marriage in way that allowed basic mutual respect or descent model for kids.  Thus far we have told the kids that I’m moving for my job, which I think is insufficient, but my wife doesn’t seem to want to agree to tell them that we mutually couldn’t get along.   I’d be interested to hear anyone’s thought on how to explain to kids why I am moving, given that I am choosing to, and yet help them see that I love them and wish I could be with thm in person all the time.  In a sense I’d like to not make too big a deal about it and try to transition to long distance relationship without a big hoopla, but it is a big deal , and I want them to not feel abandoned, and I do feel very guilty for leaving, and I worry I am unrealistic about how good the long distance relationship can be.

]]> Comment on Letter from a Long Distance Dad by Nikki http://distanceparent.org/day-in-the-life/458/#comment-8465 Nikki Sat, 24 Mar 2012 01:00:26 +0000 http://distanceparent.org/?p=458#comment-8465  My Daughter moved across the Country with her Father when she was a baby. I have created a Fan Page for my Daughter on FaceBook and am trying to get her Father to get Skype. I don't know when I'll get to see her again...haven't seen her since he took her and she's nearly a teenager now. I am using Esther Hicks Law of Attraction on Youtube for now to assist me with the pain and have healed alot...I have had some very lonely and sad times with this....but I have also discovered lots of tools and resources. I'm not ready to make a mission of helping others with this yet...still helping myself...but I really feel onto something....I am learning to make the best of it in ways that have helped me in every area of life through Abraham (Esther HickS) Be kind to yourselves for YoU ARe Love ItSelf. XO  My Daughter moved across the Country with her Father when she was a baby. I have created a Fan Page for my Daughter on FaceBook and am trying to get her Father to get Skype. I don’t know when I’ll get to see her again…haven’t seen her since he took her and she’s nearly a teenager now. I am using Esther Hicks Law of Attraction on Youtube for now to assist me with the pain and have healed alot…I have had some very lonely and sad times with this….but I have also discovered lots of tools and resources. I’m not ready to make a mission of helping others with this yet…still helping myself…but I really feel onto something….I am learning to make the best of it in ways that have helped me in every area of life through Abraham (Esther HickS) Be kind to yourselves for YoU ARe Love ItSelf. XO

]]> Comment on Letter from a Long Distance Dad by ukdistancedad http://distanceparent.org/day-in-the-life/458/#comment-8464 ukdistancedad Wed, 21 Mar 2012 19:29:53 +0000 http://distanceparent.org/?p=458#comment-8464 to Mike. Yes, well, you are right that the pain will not go away. It will always being painful living a long way away from someone that we love very deeply.  I think it's an incredibly tough decision that you face. In the end I decided that what my boy needed was a happy dad from a distance, rather than a frustrated close-by one.  The few days before I left were the hardest of all. I had anxiety attacks too and nearly change my mind at the last minute. Don't expect an easy ride. Expect great emotional turmoil, there could be no other way and if we can harness those strong emotions, direct them in a loving way, transmit that love in any way we can albeit from a distance, we are doing all we can.  However, I am OK now. I recently visited my son and it was wonderful and I will post a little piece about that here soon.  Sending my thoughts and best wishes. to Mike. Yes, well, you are right that the pain will not go away. It will always being painful living a long way away from someone that we love very deeply. 

I think it’s an incredibly tough decision that you face. In the end I decided that what my boy needed was a happy dad from a distance, rather than a frustrated close-by one. 

The few days before I left were the hardest of all. I had anxiety attacks too and nearly change my mind at the last minute. Don’t expect an easy ride. Expect great emotional turmoil, there could be no other way and if we can harness those strong emotions, direct them in a loving way, transmit that love in any way we can albeit from a distance, we are doing all we can. 

However, I am OK now. I recently visited my son and it was wonderful and I will post a little piece about that here soon. 

Sending my thoughts and best wishes.

]]> Comment on Letter from a Long Distance Dad by ukdistancedad http://distanceparent.org/day-in-the-life/458/#comment-8463 ukdistancedad Wed, 21 Mar 2012 19:23:43 +0000 http://distanceparent.org/?p=458#comment-8463 to Cameron Mitchell. I am the authour of the above article. I am sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds incredibly difficult. What you describe your ex-wife as doing is clearly not in the best interests of your children, who need to have their dad involved in their lives.  There is no easy solution, but I would suggest going down all other avenues possible before taking the matter to the courts. That will just create more resentment between you and the mum of your kids. Perhaps you have tried all this already but I would do all you could to re-open a healthy dialogue with your ex-. You have to stay very strong and avoid confrontation at all costs. You have to both become aware that the needs of the children are primary and it is their right and your right legally, emotionally and spiritually to have contact with both parents. They need that for their health. If a face-to-face encounter with someone like an ex usually turns confrontational, write the the feelings in a letter, get a friend to read over it. Make sure it is totally non-judgemental, non critical and instead has the needs of the children at its centre. Good luck  to Cameron Mitchell. I am the authour of the above article. I am sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds incredibly difficult. What you describe your ex-wife as doing is clearly not in the best interests of your children, who need to have their dad involved in their lives. 

There is no easy solution, but I would suggest going down all other avenues possible before taking the matter to the courts. That will just create more resentment between you and the mum of your kids.

Perhaps you have tried all this already but I would do all you could to re-open a healthy dialogue with your ex-. You have to stay very strong and avoid confrontation at all costs. You have to both become aware that the needs of the children are primary and it is their right and your right legally, emotionally and spiritually to have contact with both parents. They need that for their health.

If a face-to-face encounter with someone like an ex usually turns confrontational, write the the feelings in a letter, get a friend to read over it. Make sure it is totally non-judgemental, non critical and instead has the needs of the children at its centre.

Good luck 

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