This one is from the mailbox :

“My ex continues to make excuses as to why she does not answer her phone, which is my only contact with my kids. She is in one state and I am in another. My question is…is there anyway to make my ex legally responsible to answer her phone when I call? “

I’m not an attorney and this is not legal advice. I don’t know the whole story, only what’s been presented. This is from my own limited experience only.

Although a judge might never tell her she has to answer the phone, a judge will definitely enforce reasonable requests to talk to your kids. The ONLY way to prove that this is happening is to document every single instance that you call and the outcome for each time. Back this up by getting copies of your phone records. Once you have a bit of proof (more than a few phone calls), then you don’t call the authorities but instead, you put together a ‘motion’ and take her to court.…

When someone tells me they are getting a divorce and the other parent will be getting physical custody of the child(ren), there is one piece of advice I always give them. It is : Make your parenting plan EXACTLY what you want no matter how wonderful your relationship with the other parent is right now, no matter how idealistic your views of co-parenting may be… plan for the worst.

My ex and I split quite peacefully. There was some pain and hurt - but we were friends. We wanted our son to always have both parents. We wanted to cooperate and co-parent even though we were separated. We had a verbal agreement and even went so far as to take it to an attorney to make it official (we thought “WOW… that’s a stretch… make it legal?! We don’t need to do all that, do we?”).

Then his mother and then, girlfriend got involved. Oddly, the attorney disappeared along with the written agreement. Suddenly, he simply was not going to give me my son, as we…

Rick Ortiz posted an interesting article about virtual visitation that I presume is by Richard Coffee. Unfortunately, between the two captcha systems, I couldn’t get my comment to post. So here is a response to the article.

You raise very legitimate points that I think every parent should consider when creating a long distance parenting plan. However, many, if not all, of these concerns can be addressed with proper planning prior to creating a parenting plan that includes virtual visitation.

Although abuse of long distance parenting plans may occur, there is no more risk of that than with any other parenting arrangement. Just like abuse or violations in the parenting agreement of a non-long distance situation, violations of a long distance parenting plan can and should be pursued through the courts. As someone who has taken care of such violations in court, I am quite certain that a parent’s rights to visitation, no matter the means, or not to be otherwise alienated from their child are respected by any judge.

Again, as a parent who has been…

“She asked the judge if she could keep the kids from him if he didn’t pay child support”, my friend told me. I’m sure my cheeks blanched. “Personally, I don’t think he should get to see them. If he can’t pay child support, he can’t see them”, she continued.

I almost felt rage. I replied very carefully. “You’re STUPID!” haha… just kidding. I didn’t say that. I actually said something to the tune of “That would never be in the best interest of the kids. She might be mad when he doesn’t pay. It might even put her in a really tough spot financially. But the kids need both parents no matter how pissed off they are at each other.”

I was shocked to hear someone I consider a friend say something like this. In a moment, every argument I’ve ever had with my son’s father and every argument my ex husband ever had with my stepdaughter’s mother came flashing back. It’s a good thing that we have courts and judges. Sure, some judges are a pain…

I have recently given out this information to several long distance parents and it’s helpful stuff. Did you know that Utah and Wisconsin have laws on the books that require a judge to consider virtual visitation as part of a long distance parenting arrangement? Of course, this wouldn’t be used to substitute for in-person parenting time which is another thing that the laws help with.

There are bills in several other states including Illinois, Virginia, Missouri and Ohio and there is pre-bill activity in several other states.

You can find a complete list of all of the states here as well as sample letters that you can use to write to senators and state representatives in your state to support these bills.