It is a sad but often true scenario. The non-custodial parent moves away and the custodial parent gets angry. Not that non-custodial parents NEVER get angry. They do. But there are a few pretty typical perspectives in a moveaway that breeds resentment. From the perspective of the custodial parent, you are escaping. You get freedom. You have options they don’t have. They are tied down. They have all of the responsibility. You have none. Gah! I know. I know that isn’t necessarily the case. I know it might not be true. But if you can TRY to understand that perspective, you’ll be a whole lot closer to defusing difficult situations.

That said, very often, long distance parents and custodial parents find themselves on the other side of smear campaigns both legal and towards their own children (Parental Alienation Syndrome). And while custodial parents might ALSO find themselves the subject of similar situations, in the case of a non-custodial parent, these campaigns can very often cost them custody, visitation and involvement in their child’s life and even their relationship with their own kids.

To avoid the worst case scenario, non-custodial and long distance parents need to be on their A game. They have to be proactive and they have to know HOW to prove that they aren’t the monster they are made out to be.

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Last night, as my son and I sat at the counter nomming strawberries, we were talking about him writing his first words (‘dog’, ‘god’, and ‘no’) and I was able to relate the story to him about his first written words and how proud he was of them. He was 4 when he wrote them and he wrote them in a chat window during internet visitation with me. Now 11, he giggled and asked for more details. in the same way he’s asked about his first steps or for me to tell him about how I met his dad. It’s a memory just like all the rest – even though it happened over internet chat during a time when I couldn’t be there with him.

Seven years ago, I wrote this post about experiencing my son’s firsts via webcam. I’d completely forgotten that I’d blogged about it, as I was having that conversation last night with my son. But in re-reading the post, I remember how ecstatic I was that I got to witness a ‘first’ (and got screen prints!) even though I was far away. I remember how MUCH I needed those small moments to reassure me that I was still connected with him and that our relationship was meaningful.

My son was only 5 at the time. In kindergarten. I remember having that ‘ideal’ picture in my mind of what the perfect long distance situation would be like. He’d look forward to talking to me and… (More)

I have a section of the site devoted to long distance parenting products and books that I think are awesome. I’m interested in knowing what YOU think is awesome though.

What products do you use (webcam, cell phone apps etc) that make your long distance parenting experience easier or better?
What books have you read that gave you ideas, hope or information?
What websites do you frequent that help you with long distance parenting?
What do YOU recommend for other long distance parents?
Leave a comment on the website or the facebook page or drop me an email.

Once upon a time, when we started this long distance parenting arrangement, there were very few products that offered voice and video chat. We used netmeeting in the very beginning, which was an old Windows app and to this day, we still call his internet visitation time ‘netmeeting’. My useless tidbits quota for the day has been met.

Then came skype. I’ve recommended skype over the years (and in fact, I’m grimacing at a stack of posts from over the years that need to be updated with this new recommendation). When skype came out, it was sleek, slick and THE way to do video and voice chat. However, since that time, a whole slew of popular chat programs have added voice and video, among them yahoo, google and aim.

We stuck with skype though because they started introducing voip products (internet telephone) and it was nice to give my son his own phone number and the ability to make phone calls from his computer so that he could talk directly with his dad and his dad’s family without me needing to be involved.

However, IMO, skype hasn’t kept up. I’ve used them not only for my son’s phone but also for my business phone and I’ve had pretty bad experiences with them in the last year or so. These are my personal experiences and your mileage may vary.

• We’ve had several unexplainable technical difficulties. Because we’re paying for the product, I expect

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… AND.. from our Facebook Group, Matthew answered the call for guest bloggers! I’m thrilled to have a long distance dad give his perspective on the experience.

Matthew recently began his long distance parenting arrangement with his four year old daughter after relocating to the Los Angeles area earlier this year. He is learning to navigate the emotional difficulties and challenges in trying to maintain a relationship and stay involved with such a young daughter, while embarking upon a whole new life out West.

Welcome, Matthew! It will be exciting to see more of a dad’s perspective around here.