One of the things that I don’t often bring up, or admittedly even often associate with my ‘crusade’ to gather community around long distance parenting, is that I was once the child of an estranged parent. From 5ish to 12ish, my father wasn’t around. My sister and I were raised to believe that he was a lot of horrible things and that we should be afraid of him. Our family of three hid from him.

When I was 12, he found us. I still remember the first phone call I had with him. I remember what he sent us for Christmas that year. I went to stay with him for 6 months… and then, when I was 15, I went to live with him.

By that time, I wasn’t looking for a father. I was pretty well grown up. And by that time, the opportunity for him to learn to be a father was passed. We awkwardly played at the father/daughter roles, I finished the growing up and moved out and eventually moved across the country,…

I was trolling the net for long distance parenting stuff and I ran across this gem : Instructions and Guidance for your Long Distance Parenting Plan by the 6th Judicial Circuit Court of Florida, Family Law Division.

It’s a really great rundown of the stuff to consider in creating a long distance parenting plan including a good list of links to other resources as well as to sample parenting plans including important aspects of long distance parenting such as travel arrangements.

It wasn’t so long ago that a ‘long distance parenting plan’ was unheard of and long distance parents were considered deadbeats by default and automatically discounted in their efforts to maintain relationships with their kids. Kudos to this court for being proactive in their effort to help these situations be easier and healthier to all involved.

…sending stuff to them (I love to make cookies for them), webcam visits, phone calls…and them having good quality time when they are with us with lots of hugs and affection will be remembered and cherished…they will keep them warm even when our arms aren’t there to hug them.

- Deb, a long distance mom

My son is young and I have been out of his life probably for as long as he can remember. I would like to start contact again but I don’t even know where to start. Any tips on how to start or what to do?

I would recommend talking to a child psychologist to get some good insight. They be able to give you good pointers and reliable advice based upon your specific situation and your specific child - and should you ever need to go to court, that is a mature, responsible approach that will be on your side.

Past that, slow and easy. Write letters or cards, even if you live in the same city. Do supervised visitation for a while to make sure he feels completely comfortable with you before you ask for unsupervised time. Don’t expect miracles and try to remain humble and hopeful even if you have a tough day. Get onto a schedule that he can depend upon. Be reliable. Don’t make promises you won’t keep and keep all of the…

This one is from the mailbox :

“My ex continues to make excuses as to why she does not answer her phone, which is my only contact with my kids. She is in one state and I am in another. My question is…is there anyway to make my ex legally responsible to answer her phone when I call? “

I’m not an attorney and this is not legal advice. I don’t know the whole story, only what’s been presented. This is from my own limited experience only.

Although a judge might never tell her she has to answer the phone, a judge will definitely enforce reasonable requests to talk to your kids. The ONLY way to prove that this is happening is to document every single instance that you call and the outcome for each time. Back this up by getting copies of your phone records. Once you have a bit of proof (more than a few phone calls), then you don’t call the authorities but instead, you put together a ‘motion’ and take her to court.…