As I was searching for creative ways to celebrate the holidays, I came across this practical list by a family law attorney, Sharyn T. Sooho on www.divorcenet.com and felt like it was worthy of passing on:

1. Plan Ahead

Develop a parenting schedule before the holidays.

Avoid scheduling the children for dinner with Dad at noon and a second turkey dinner a few hours later with Mom. Instead, arrange for Dad to spend the entire day with the children in all odd-numbered years, and have Mom spend the holiday with them in all even-numbered years.

2. Keep Your Word

Stick to the schedule. Arrive on time and drop off the children on time.

3. Keep in Touch

If the children are not with you for the holidays, call them, and be sure to send cards or email. Consider celebrating the holiday or birthday before or after the actual day. Children love parties and gifts any time - nothing fancy - but something special you create just for them.

4. Let the Children Keep in Touch

If the children spend the holiday with you, let them speak with the other parent. Give the children any cards and email from the other parent, and read the messages to young children who cannot read. If the children are too young to call, help them make or receive a call, and let them have a quiet moment to speak with the other parent. Make sure to avoid planning an exciting activity like gift-opening at the same time that the children are scheduled to speak with their Mom or Dad.

Remember, children usually have a short attention span, so do not blame the other parent if conversations are short.

5. Safe Travel

Make travel arrangements with airlines for long-distance travel. Airlines provide supervision for unaccompanied minors for a nominal fee.

6. The Art of Gift-Giving

Coordinate gift-giving with the other parent. Do not give your child a cell phone if you know Mom is giving her a phone. If your ex-spouse will not cooperate, go ahead with your own plans, but do not complain to the children about the other parent.

7. Acknowledge the Child’s Right to Enjoyment

Let your child take gifts to your ex-spouse’s home. Conversely, if your child brings home a new toy or bicycle, let your child take it back to her Dad’s home, if she wants.

8. To Each His Own

Let the children spend Mother’s Day with Mom and Father’s Day with Dad.

9. Create Your Own Celebrations

Do not insist upon attending your child’s birthday or graduation party if your ex-spouse is throwing the party. Give your own party on another day.

10. Give Your Child Permission to Love Both Parents

Help your child buy or make a gift and card for the other parent, if the child is too young to handle the tasks herself. You are doing your child a favor, not your ex-spouse, because you are giving your child permission to love the other parent - the best gift you can give.

Published:  November 01, 2005

Happy Holidays, everyone!

~Holly

No matter how a person comes to be in a long distance parenting situation, by choice or by circumstance, one thing remains:  Being away from a child is hard!  Having a support system helps and this site is a great place to start.  It has helped me to understand that I am absolutely not alone in being a long distance mom.  I’ve also recently joined a local support group for parents in similar situations.  It is refreshing to share experiences with other moms who don’t look at me funny when I say my daughter lives in another state.  It is understood that every situation is different and we don’t judge.  I highly recommend connecting with other long distance parents in whatever way works for you:  online, in person, or both.

~Holly 

As a result of travel costs being higher on that particular weekend, I was unable to visit my daughter on her birthday this year.  I was able to go a few weeks later and bring presents but I wanted to do something extra special for her on that day.  I arranged to have balloons delivered to her school.  I did not tell her in advance about the surprise.  This was such a big hit with her that I’ve already decided to make it a birthday tradition!  

If anyone has creative ideas for celebrating birthdays, holidays, or any other special day, please let us know! 

~Holly

A great way to help get your child engage in the process of maintaining a long distance relationship is to make them a letter writing kit.

You will need :
a 3″ three ring binder
several pencil pouches (you can usually find them at the dollar store - or get them on sale when school starts)
several 3 ring folders
a pack of lined paper
fun pencils, pens and markers
stickers
fun stationary
postcards
envelopes
stamps
address labels with your address on them
address labels with your child’s address on them

You can get most of the materials at the dollar store. Buying them when school supplies goes on sale is another way to cut cost. Put the folders, pencil pouches and lined paper into the binder. Use the pencil pouches to store small items like stickers and markers and use the folders to store stationary and envelopes.

Optionally, you can pre-label the envelopes with address labels and stamps, or you could decorate the binder and/or it’s contents with pictures of you and your child or with their favorite comic book hero or character.

The end result is a binder that your child can pull out any time they want to write a letter to you - and have everything they need. This makes them have less need to rely upon the custodial parents to allow letter writing and gives them something fun to do from you.

My deepest apologies to those who emailed a LONG time ago to say that the long distance parenting forums were not working. It’s up and working now and you should be able to enroll and participate without a hitch. There is a forum for ld moms, one for ld dads and a forum for custodial parents in ld parent situations just WAITING for you to get in there and post your questions and comments. Hope to see you there!