reposted with permission from the author – he became a distance parent in September 2011 when he moved back to his home country, England. His son is 4.

I was looking on google for a forum for long distance parents. Over the past 3 months I have been slowly adjusting to a new life thousands of miles from my son. I am English and have recently moved back to the UK from South America where my son lives with his mum.

I feel desperately sad at times. I worry a lot about my very nearly 4 year old son. From the sounds of it, he is quite depressed at times, biting his nails a lot. I am seeking a community because last night I got a quite upset email from his mum telling me that at the moment things are especially hard. My son had his last day at nursery this week – another loss for him.

I make some kind of contact with him every day, either through Skype, telephone or by sending a little email with some pictures. I find these things help me, and sometimes my son seems to like them too. Sometimes I think Skype frustrates him a lot. While reading a picture book to him the other day he said to me ‘you can’t read it properly when you’re not here’.

Generally I find reading and books to be a good way of connecting. I try to make our Skype sessions fun, if that… (More)

I haven’t posted here in awhile.  Truth be told, I view this site (and accompanying Facebook page) as an uplifting support system, ripe with extremely valuable insight and optimistic outlooks and advice on how best to make the most of a very trying situation.  I love how all involved help to lift each other up, give advice and share their own stories.  It’s a virtual home of hope and support, all in such a wonderful vein of positivity.

I guess lately, I’ve felt that I can’t add too much of that hopeful outlook, as I’ve been struggling as my little girl has started Kindergarten, and that changed the dynamic quite a bit for me.  I still try to call her every single day (my work Outlook Calendar is still blocked for 30 minutes every afternoon for the task).  But more and more phone calls go unanswered.  More and more text messages go unreturned.  Each unreciprocated attempt feels like another kick in the gut, to the point where I have come to not expect a connection, but rather that vacant sound of the generic voicemail voice, prompting me, yet again, to leave a message – a message that I’ll inevitably wonder if my little girl ever heard, or paid too much attention to, in light of all else that is going on in her life; a life that I feel more and more distanced from.

I don’t want to paint a portrait of desperation or despair.  As mentioned, I’ve come to… (More)

For most of the past two years I have been living 1,100 miles away from my beloved children. The decision to move far away from them did not come easily but I have had to live with it every day since then. I have tried very hard to soothe myself with the fact that they live in my ex-wife’s hometown, a small place with very few job opportunities and where, for more than eight years, I struggled to earn a living and to make friends. I know that my life there was mostly unhappy and unfulfilling but, when my ex-wife and I were together, I at least could comfort myself in knowing that I could enjoy spending time with my kids every day.

When I agreed to move to my ex-wife’s hometown 10 years ago, I did so with an open mind and a sense of adventure. We had just gotten married and were leaving behind a lot of stress and strain. For one thing, we both worked in downtown Washington, DC, and the horror of 9/11 was fresh in our minds. For another, we had just survived a nightmare scenario, in which my whole extended family went to war with us over our wedding plans, which were apparently not in line with their highfalutin standards. The idea of raising our family in a tidy little New England village near the ocean seemed quite seductive at the time. I would find a job, and she would stay home and raise… (More)

When you live away from your kids and the custodial parent, exchanging checks or eyeballing the same physical document is not possible. Fortunately for us, these days, the internet hosts a variety of websites with services or tools that allow you to do just that.

There are a plethora of paid shared custody tool websites, which I will cover in a later post. However, there are ways to manage these tasks really simply, for free, and maybe even using tools that you already use.

Paypal

When parents don’t live close together, handing the custodial parent a child support check every month isn’t an option. Or when your child has an unexpected ER visit, it might not be feasible for the custodial parent to wait a week to receive your part of the medical expenses and for the check to clear their bank.

Paypal is quick, reliable and easy. Once your account is set up (which can be a rather lengthy process, if you don’t already use paypal), you can send money to anyone who has a paypal account – ie: the custodial parent, hopefully.

Best of all, it records every transaction that you can easily report on. No more hanging on to receipts,check stubs and bank statements in order to prove that you paid your child support on time or that you paid your part of the medical bills.

Google Docs

If you’ve ever had to go through one of those mind numbing conversations or email chains… (More)

Digital natives are the children born today called. I, myself, am merely an immigrant into the world of technology. But what a fantastic world it is. Especially for the ones who cannot be with their families every day. Whether it is because of work, divorce, school or any other reason; it is tough not to see your children every day. It is hard to have to wait days, weeks and even months to see them. With smaller children the fear that they may not recognize you is always there. Now, however, in this wonderful wireless world, we can not only speak to our children, but see them as well. For free! Across cities, counties and countries Skype reunites mothers and daughters, father and sons, grandparents and grandchildren; you get the gist.

The benefits of using Skype are tremendous! There is a saying that says a picture is worth a thousand words. Just imagine being able to see your daughters face when she opens your birthday present, even though you are miles apart. Or for your son to the see just how proud you are of him when he tells you about the maths test he did so well on. It is so easy as well; even the oldest digital immigrant can use it. It truly unites families in a world where people are more spread out than ever. It is often not the big things that you are sad to have missed, but the daily routines and chats.… (More)